All Around Town by Adam Kluger

typewriter

“Where are you looking?”

“Sweet Pines Middle School. Riverside Country Day. Ethical Morality on the Upper West Side.”

“All top notch — if you don’t mind me asking… how can you afford that?”

“Oh, Tom just got promoted and we’ve saved a little from his inheritance.”

“Good for you guys.”

“So, Mitchie , um, likes Public School?”

“Let’s just say we’ve been pretty lucky so far.”

“How so?”

“You know — good teachers and we’re in a pretty solid zone.”

“Ah…  got you. That’s makes all the difference… listen, Hon, I’ve got to scoot. I just realized my Pilates class starts in thirty minutes… you should really try it sometimes. Let me pick this up.”

“But you only had cantaloupe.”

“That’s OK, my pleasure.”

“OK, but I get the next one.”

“I love your nail polish, by the way what color is that?”

“Cinnamon.”

As the two ladies left the Cafe they passed two other women having an animated discussion. One was wearing a hairnet and rollers.

“Oh no she di’int… did that fat ugly ching chong lady try to show me up with her nasty lookin’ albino gorilla?”

“Oh yes she did girlfriend.”

“First off, listen up you wannabe prostitute with no ass and no self-respect — you need to stop your Uncle Tomming ways.”

“Preach it, sister.”

“I don’t know how it goes down in whitey-town but being a cheap ass ho sell-out ain’t getting you respect from where I come from.”

“Mmm- hmmm.”

“You think that making out with Mr. Skanky Albino is gonna set me off? Puh-lease… go back to chink town or whatever massage parlor or mail-order bride this nasty Albino fug found you at… you come to my hood and I’ll show you what we think of your trifling flat ass and face.”

“That’s right bee-otch.”

Meanwhile, at the bar across the street. Two men were watching the latest news report.

“A blowhard is better than a lying rug-muncher… at least he’s got a pair of balls… and wants to build a wall to keep out the spics.”

Anything’s better than what we got now.”

” You ever wonder why O-Dumba won’t attack Isis.”

“It’s either because he doesn’t want to admit he removed the troops too soon… ”

“… or because he studied Islam as a child — and we got a terrorist loving asshole as our President… at least with W — we knew we were safe.”

” It’s all that slick -car salesman- asshole- who has bangin’ Monica Jew-insky’s fault anyway — he totally ignored all the warnings about Osama.”

“Now we got O-bama instead of Osama.”

“Merry Kwaanza Syrian Refugees… ”

“… Welcome to O-Bummer’s America — come on in and blow up whatever you like.”

Down that same street, inside a small, pop-up t-shirt stand.

(translation)

“Did you see that tattooed slut shoving her diseased womanhood into the camera like a prostitute?”

“It’s called ‘twerking’ Auntie, and the racists who produce SNL don’t ever put Asian Americans, Indians or Latinos in the cast. They only have blacks because of Sharpton.”

“I always tell you… don’t trust those Jew and white bastards. Your promiscuous girlfriend from school who is dating one shames us all.”

 

Adam Kluger

 

Header photograph: By Martin Dürrschnabel (Martin-D1 of de.wikipedia.org) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

4 thoughts on “All Around Town by Adam Kluger

  1. Hi Adam, excellent dialogue! The slice of their lives that you portrayed showed such recognisable intolerances due to elitism, racism, bigotry, stereotypes and homophobia. The cross section of people within a close proximity shows that common ground doesn’t mean anything.
    This is my favourite story of yours so far!!
    Hugh

    Like

  2. Thanks, Hugh! As a native New Yorker, I don’t need Ted Cruz or any other politician to try to explain to me what New York values are all about. We live them every day. New York City is The Great American Experiment and epicenter of the Free World. We are the melting pot- that sometimes bubbles over–but we always keep it real …New York City represents all cultures and religions and we all fight every day– to make our dreams a reality. “All Around Town” is a short story about the city I love that was very painful to write because it was initially inspired by some racist blogs I ran across randomly on the internet–and then I thought about Spike Lee’s brilliant film “Do The Right Thing” and about the current tenor of the U.S. Presidential race…and, well…thanks to my friends at Literally Stories, for posting this short tale about a perfectly imperfect city, with amazingly imperfect people-but a magnificent city nonetheless — . (please note: if you are offended by racism, and obscenity-you will probably find this story offensive-as was the intention-this material is only intended for mature readers) Thanks. A

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