A Captivating Meeting by Tobias Haglund

”… and that’s when I found out he wasn’t my father!”

”Okay. How about dropping the gun?”

“There you go again. Thinking only about yourself. It seems as if you’re not even listening to me…”

“I’m NOT listening to you…”

“…because as I have been talking about very personal things you still go on about your selfish things. I don’t want to threaten you again, but if you keep…”

“I’m not threatened and have never been threatened.” Simon looked into the security camera. “Let the record show that I have never been threatened.”

“Simon.” Billy said and cocked the gun. “Stop focusing on the police or the other hostages and listen to me.”

“You don’t need to cock the gun.”

“What?”

“You don’t need to do it. It’s a movie myth. The gun cocks it for you if you pull the trigger.”

Billy looked at the co-workers Fran and Todd who were bound next to Simon. “But how will I let you all know I mean business?”

“You don’t mean business. No one in the history of hostage situations has ever needed to prove or even said they mean business.” Simon massaged his temples. “Do you realize how pathetic this is?”

“You’re developing the Oslo-syndrome.”

“You mean the Stockholm-syndrome and I am not as that would mean I like you, which I clearly don’t.”

“No I mean the Oslo-syndrome. The opposite of Stockholm-syndrome. You’re starting to dislike me.”

Simon faced the camera. “Once again. Let the record show I have never liked Billy.”

Ryan, the boss, sighed. “Those aren’t on.”

Simon yelled. “Oh come on!”

Billy cocked the gun. “No one even knows we’re here?”

“They might think we have a meeting which is currently running a little long.” Ryan cleaned his glasses and looked through them to see it did the trick. It did. So he put them back on. “I was hoping someone would call to the reception and notice that no one answered the calls. Maybe that would lead to someone eventually calling the police. But as it turns out, no one has called. It’s been a slow couple of weeks so I had to cut back costs. The cameras are not recording.”

Billy meant business again. He pointed the gun away from Ryan. “Sheryl, is it true?”

Fran looked around. “I’m Fran and why would I know? I’m just the receptionist.” She stretched out her legs. “And we haven’t even gotten a call for weeks. I’m basically a paid solitaire player.”

Simon tried to squirm out of the ropes, but failed. “Ah just give up won’t you? We won’t even press charges.”

“I might.” Todd squinted and if he could have, he would have pointed finger pistols at Billy.

Billy started an unstoppable sentence. “Todd…”

Others interjected. The slow pace of the sentence allowed it. “He doesn’t mean it.” and “You could hold only Todd hostage.”

“…I’m not surprised.” Billy said as if he met his archenemy after entering the swinging doors at a saloon.  “Well that changes everything!”

“Todd!”

Todd replied squintingly. Fran complained about a cramp. Ryan told her to drink water. Billy cocked the gun towards Todd and after an intense stare down, which Billy lost, he remembered what he had heard earlier. “Wait a minute. You mean to tell me the gun cocks itself if I pull the trigger? That seems wrong. Are you sure?”

“Positive.” Simon said through the hands covering his face. “There is no need to cock the gun since pulling the trigger will do that for you. But I guess since you definitely won’t pull the trigger I’d say yes, you definitely need to cock the gun to imitate you mean business.”

“…as I was saying earlier.” Billy patrolled the bound workers. “It’s all rooted in my childhood. You know how tough it was growing up.”

“Yes, we were neighbors.”

“I can’t get over the fact that the security cameras aren’t on. Can I borrow someone’s phone? Sheryl?”

“It’s Fran. It’s over there, on the counter.”

“No use mine.” The saloon doors flapped their wings after Todd entered the conversation. “I keep the police on speed dial for emergencies just like this.”

The gun was cocked and Billy braced his legs. “Seems like a trick.”

“A trick to not get you to call the police?”

“I don’t know what Todd’s up to, but it seems plausible.”

“Just get the phone and call.”

Billy walked over to Todd’s desk full of Vietnam War memorabilia and grabbed the camouflage colored phone. He patrolled the group once and asked Sheryl for advice.

Todd answered in her place. “It’s on speed dial number: nine-one.”

Simon turned to face Todd. “Your speed dial to the police is nine-one?”

“Yes.”

“Short for nine-one-one?”

“That’s correct.”

No one seemed to think it was odd. “Why not nine?”

“It was occupied. I’ve got a lot of good emergency numbers.”

“Ninety better emergency numbers than the police. Which are they?”

“One. The head of the illuminati.”

“Of course.”

“Two. The president.”

“No way.”

“I have direct daily contact with the President.”

Ryan was cleaning his glasses and Fran nodded off. Simon continued. “What’s the benefit of reducing nine-one-one to nine-one?”

“I have reduced the speed it takes to ring the police by thirty-three percent.”

“I will reduce it to sixty-seven percent when I’m free.”

“That’s impossible. Your top ten priorities will be compromised.”

“Shut up the two of you. Here, it’s ringing.” Billy handed the phone to Simon. “You talk to them.”

“Hmm. It took a long time for you to dial. Thank god for that thirty-three percent reduced time.”

A single tone before the police answered. “Nine-one-one what’s your emergency?”

“We are being held hostage at gunpoint by Billy Murray. Yes that is his name. He is not the famous actor. We are in the basement of the city hall. Can you just cross the street, come down here and shoot him so we can all go home.”

Billy cocked the gun. “Ask them to bring to bring my records.”

“No need.” Todd said. “Speed dial seventeen will give them to you.”

Simon nodded to Billy that the conversation was over. “They’re on their way.”

Billy looked at the phone. “They didn’t ask for my demands?”

“I thought you wanted your records. And Todd is taking care of those.”

“Just dial one-seven.”

Billy dialed and as he did a gas came out which sent him to sleep. Fran rejoiced. Ryan put his glasses back on.

“Why didn’t you just tell him to dial seventeen before making the call to the police?”

“Who would believe I would put the police at such a high priority of speed dials? That makes no sense.”

Fran fidgeted, but was unable to move. “Guys, how do we get out of the ropes?”

“I will chafe and scratch and release based on the hierarchy of power. Simon is last and Ryan is first.”

“I’m actually not bound. I’ve been cleaning my glasses the entire time.” Ryan stood up. “I will walk over to the police and lead them here. I don’t want to interfere with evidence, so you just sit tight.”

“If the security cameras would have been rolling…”

Ryan didn’t get far. Two policemen walked in and saw the friendly massacre. Billy got a short prison sentence for threatening four people with a plastic gun and Todd got a fine for the illegal gas. At the last day of prison Ryan found his real father, but couldn’t stay a minute longer since he never used a real gun.

Tobias Haglund