Week 570 – I Miss Steam, A Lot Of Whatever Is What? And It Smells Funny.

Here we are at Week 570.

It’s been a shit week for me. Not much change there then!!

But as well as all the day to day shitiness, I’ve been having computer problems and this only emphasises what I fucking hate about them. I know nothing. I don’t want to know anything and anything that I learn or need to remember is so fucking soul destroying that I forget and I get a tiny bit peeved with myself!

…That’s an understatement. I want to kill people!

But when I think on it, I wouldn’t do anything to change the way that I am!! I’d still rather be ignorant about certain things.

I’ve always had the same problem when something bores me to distraction, what should stick doesn’t. Up until June last year, I had a twice yearly pile of shit that I had to pass. Basically, it was all the same questions. I have done the same course sixteen times and not once did I get all the way through. Sometimes it took me six goes to correct a multiple choice question with four answers!

This may be a bit controversial and I’ve mentioned it on many occasions, but I blame ‘1984’ – Not the year, I had a belting time!! The book. That was the first book that I remember boring me so much that I wanted to hurt myself. I reckon that from then on, I have a low boredom threshold with very little tolerance – My mind just says, ‘Nup!! Ah’m I fuck!!’

I resent computers.

I resent that we have to use them.

I resent their systems.

I resent having to remember every password for whatever the fuck.

I resent them changing a system that you have purchased.

I resent that the fuckers who own these companies have more money than a horse with a dodgy stomach can shit.

I resent speaking to condescending wankers when you need another computer or you need one fixed.

But I do love working on the site, so I’ll need to suffer in ranting fury!!

Me and Gerry or should that be Gerry and I.?? Were commenting back and forth regarding a posting and collective nouns. Weirdly, due to this, I found a cracking acronym. I’ll come to that but just give those who need a kick up the hole, a kick up the hole!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, comments cause inspiration!

Anyhow, I’d been looking for a stronger term for all the reality wankers. (Those that need a kick up the hole!) All I could come up with was show-off. But our Australian friends have a brilliant Acronym for them, ‘FIGJAM’

Fuck I’m Good Just Ask Me.

I will pass this onto as many folks as I can!!!

Gerry stated that he enjoyed collective nouns but found them difficult to drop into conversation. I realised that they’re only really used in English exams.

And in a nod to Leila, I have a list. Not of correct ones, that wouldn’t do at all, but ones that makes sense to me.

Here’s what I have so far, please indulge yourselves and be as depraved, or even better, truthful as you can. I’d be very interested to see what you can come up with.

A rug of Guinea Pigs.

A truth of politicians. (I’m sure folks will realise that I’m being ironic.)

A parasite of lords. (That could work for royalty)

A frenzy of Lawyers. (A nod to their spiritual animal)

A boring of new parents.

A FIGJAM of reality stars. (I didn’t know this but found it when I was looking for an alternative for show-off – Fuck I’m Good Just Ask Me.)

An irritation of toddlers.

A sociopath of teenagers.

A world domination of cats.

An establishment of Jeffrey Epstein’s paedo pals.

Give it a think and let me know.

…Moving on.

At the time of writing this (3^rd Feb.) I noticed that it was the anniversary of Buddy Holly’s death. (Big Bopper and Ritchie Valens also.) I decided I wanted to play a tribute. Maybe ‘Not Fade Away’ would have been more appropriate but I have always loved the beauty and simplicity of this song.

Okay, onto this weeks stories.

We had three new folks who we welcome. We hope that they have fun on the site and that they continue to send us their work. We also have a returner and a well established writer of the site. Normally I’d say here that our initial comments would follow but due to the computer problems I’m having, I’ve not been able to access that particular system, so I’ll wing it as I go along.

First off on Monday we had our first new writer, Ross Hetherington. His story was called, ‘The Cats Game’

This was an imaginative, unnerving and lyrical story from a writer who has a brilliant tone to his work.

Next up was our second new writer, Manoela Torres. Riptide is full of imagery, and wonderful little asides and revelations of character(s). It deals with slight envy turning to jealousy which leads to a tragic conclusion.

On Wednesday we were delighted to see the return of Stephen Silvester. His story, ‘A Telephone Call’ was a tale of love and grief. The setting and the ladies are perfect for the unfolding situation.

Matthew Roy Davey had story number eight published on Thursday. It was Ends This was a thought provoking story, we all know about this horrific time in history. Check out this writer’s back catalogue as he always does interesting work. (‘Summoning The Toads’ is a particular favourite of mine.)

Last up was another newbie, Robert Reece, with, ‘Solaritude.’

This story focussed on despair, rebellion and suicide.

That’s us for another week. Just the usual reminders, keep on commenting. And if you are a shy wee soul who wants to comment but is scared, let me say, in my countries beautiful and lyrical tongue…

‘Dinnae be a fearty-baws, we’ll no bite!!!’

And please folks, if someone has commented, at least say ‘Thanks’.

To finish off, I just wanted to pass on that when the inventor of ‘Tupperware’ died it took them four hours to bury him. They couldn’t find a coffin lid that fitted.

I’ve been wanting to play this song for a long while. I reckon this is one of the most underrated songs from this group. They have done many belters and a few stinkers but I enjoy this one!

Hugh

(Gary Moore also did a cracking version)