“Welcome”, chimed that cheerful and, to be honest, in recent weeks, increasingly irritating voice.
I took a deep breath, what did I really want?
“I can sense you are undecided. Allow me to run through some of the options you have enjoyed in recent visits.”
With a resigned expression on my face, I allowed the overly-enthusiastic list to wash over me. “Black coffee on three occasions, an XL hot chocolate, a small Latte, and three fruit teas. What would you like this time?”
Having been sapped of creativity by the seemingly endless round of pointless meetings, I resigned myself to the inevitable, and sighed, “Coffee.”
“Thank you. My voice recognition software informs me you are feeling tense, so I suggest a soothing blend of Brazilian and Columbian beans, ground to setting fifteen.
“My other sensors reveal that your body temperature is slightly raised above your norm. This is an indication that you may have the beginnings of a cold. If you would like to change your order to a soothing fruit tea, chamomile perhaps, please say so now.”
I let my silence inform the machine of my desire to remain with the coffee option. After all, that had been one of the worst meetings I’d experienced since starting here. You keep thinking they can’t get any worse, but they do.
“Good. I will proceed with the coffee. To conclude this order, and ensure the optimal beverage, please step forward and stare into the lens, ready for retinal scan.”
I rolled my eyes to the person behind me in the queue, in that inevitably apologetic way, while silently mouthing “Sorry.” We all did this when ordering.
Following the red-light scan (I always had a sneaky suspicion it was searching deep into my soul, looking for flaws that could be used later for blackmail), I was subjected to another happy message, currently out of keeping with my depressed state, “Thank you for your patience. Retinal scan is now complete, and confirms the earlier voice recognition diagnosis. I will now prepare the perfect drink for your current mental state, while charging the purchase to your personal account.”
I waited patiently once more while the machine carried out barista moves that used to be part of the daily routine of a real human being. I’m sure one day in the future there will be a more advanced coffee machine able to offer opinions about the weather and last night’s game, but until then, grinding and whirring sounds were all this one could manage.
“Your drink is now ready,” chirruped the almost human voice, “please drink carefully as the contents may be very hot.”
“Fat chance,” I heard from somewhere behind me in the queue.
I was told to, “Have a nice day,” while the small plastic door slid aside to reveal my drink. “Next please.”
Removing the mug, I glanced at the liquid surface, sighed heavily, and confirmed to those waiting behind me what they already suspected from days of experience, “Chicken soup.”
Image by LOBS Arts from Pixabay – A cartoon cup with a smile on its face and a heart shape above on a yellow background.
literally stories 
Clever and probably predictive. And isn’t it good to know that some things never will change; chicken soup for the ailing, for example.
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Michael
I do miss kicking a machine that had it coming. But now they can “tell Mom.” Funny little piece, yet scary in its way.
Leila
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Thank you. It was great fun to write (almost as therapeutic as kicking the machine).
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Hi Michael,
I do like the idea that any advances in technology will still be subjected to Captain Cock-Up!!
This reminded me of Big Hoyt as the inventor in ‘Gremlins’
…All you need to do to appreciate his singing voice is listen to his speaking voice!
The story is more a skit but I have no problems with that. I’ve written what would be considered skits on many an occasion. With the initial editors, myself and Tobias saw the merits in this type of story whereas, Adam and Nik were mainly against them. Diane would read and then consider. As we needed a majority, I was always up against it!!
This was a very enjoyable piece of writing!!
All the very best my fine friend.
Hugh
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Thanks for the feedback, and glad you liked it.
Interesting to gain a little insight into the selection process.
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A reminder that our machine overlords will not launch a revolution. They will merely evolve beyond our ability to know what’s good for us and take steps to ensure our optimal existence.
Reminiscent of “With Folded Hands” by Jack Williamson, one of my all-time faves.
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
I was not aware of “With Folded Hands”, but have just found a copy to read.
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Part of our mantra -“Everything costs more, but is more difficult to use, and screws up.”
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Perfect summary. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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Michael
I never had an ounce of sci-fi interest in me (unless it was Kurt Vonnegut, Jr!). Now it seems everything has futuristic implications, and everybody is busy replacing everybody with machines. I’m checking out before AI does away with good, old-fashioned sin. It’s the only thing I seem to have mastered, particularly if it was self-abusive.
Your story was dead on. — gerry
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Thanks for reading and commenting. I was watching my colleagues queue for their mid-morning coffee, and asked myself the simple question, ‘What will this look like in ten years time?’ I find this type of social speculation far more interesting than the more-typical ‘flying cars’ dystopia.
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Perfect summary. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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I always enjoy sci-fi with humor and a point. Well done.
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Thank you ; glad you enjoyed it.
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