Sunday Whoever

This Sunday we focus on a relatively new friend to the site, Paul Kimm, who first appeared in 2022 and has been making steady contributions since. Paul also takes time to make thoughtful and constructive comments on the stories written by others, which makes him an added blessing.

We now turn you over to Mr. Kimm

– Could you write a story with purple or lilac as the main story line?

I could give it a go, but doubt it would be good. I find my writing quickly becomes contrived when I try to be experimental.

– Bubble baths…Why?

I asked my wife this question because she loves a bath and for her this is perfection. I have a bath about once every two years, thinking I’ll perhaps enjoy it, and get out ten minutes later as I’m bored. NB – I do shower daily!

– Best decade for music?

Most would disagree, but for me it’s 80s. If I could choose an exact 10 years, it’d be 1976 to 1986.

– Best decade for films?

The 70s: Godfather (first two), Chinatown, Apocalypse Now, and my favourite film of all time – Superman.

– What is the point of a point?

I don’t know whether to be daft or serious with this question. Daft – to be pointy. Serious – I don’t believe good writing needs to have a point and I often love stories that don’t have a clear one.

– ‘The Exorcist’ – Hilarious or scary?

Definitely both. The projectile vomiting and the crucifix dildoing scenes are comedy gold!

– Would you ever try a cheese and jam sandwich?? (Any red jam!) – Why?

Absolutely, a nice stinking blue Stilton with a smear of raspberry jam is heaven!

– Red or White?

Wines, red. Flags, white.

– What does a bird in the hand really do? (If he answers shite on your wrist, I’ll be very disappointed!)

I actually have a phobia of birds. So, a bird in the hand would mean me freaking out!

– Best song you have heard from 1986?

I think this was an answer recently, but it has to be There Is A Light That Never Goes Out by The Smiths.

– Greatest 1970’s Movie

Superman – reckon I’ve watched it 50 times.

– Trump, what does that mean?

As a kid, it meant simply ‘fart’ to me. I wish it still meant only that.

– What topic(s) would you not take on?

I don’t engage much in politics, so would avoid anything that had a political slant.

– What in your opinion is the best line you’ve written?

This is a really tough question. I try to have an understated, everyday style to my writing, the more economical a line is the more I like it. For example, in a story of mine you published, The Circle Route, I was quite happy with the final line ‘While it was still not cold.’ – which means nothing outside the story, but I enjoyed that one.

– Would you write what you would consider shite for money?

For a few hundred quid, no. If it was enough to retire on, just let me know what type of shite you want!

– Will you ever go Woke with your writing and use pronoun / non-descript characters and explore sensitive issues in an understanding and sensitive way?

No, this stuff is a minefield and one I’m not equipped to navigate I’m afraid. I’m not anti-woke or pro-woke, I’m stay-away-from-woke so I don’t get in trouble. I think people should be allowed who, what, and how they want to be as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else.

– Type something surprising.

I’ve been a vegan for 8 years. My Stilton and raspberry jam answer should have been past tense.

– Do you see something different in a mirror that others don’t when they look at you?

I would say nostril hairs, but I know it’s not true as my wife sees them! On a serious note, sometimes I see fear, sometimes joy, calm, peace, sometimes sadness. I don’t look in the mirror a lot.

– The future – Bleak or hopeful?

Hopeful. There seem to be a million and one reasons for the answer to be bleak, but I believe hopeful (NB – there was no ‘why?’ with this question thankfully!)

– What would you like to like as you hate that you hate it?

Having a bath.

– Records? Tapes? Or CDs?

100% records. I sold my collection of roughly 200 LPs in the mid-90s to fund a course to help me become an English teacher, which I’ve been doing for 26 years now. I’m finally in a position to afford slowly buying back my collection afresh and I’m loving it.

-What genre you don’t write in would you like to try?

Sci-fi, something dystopian perhaps, which is a betrayal of my question about the future, but it’s a genre I enjoy.

-Bonus question (worth double points): What percentage of their time do Dogs spend thinking about food?

All of it. I reckon dogs thinking about what they want to eat next whilst they’re eating.

-Who was your English teacher and did she know about your writing ambitions. 

At school as a kid I was terrible and didn’t get any recognition for there was nothing to recognise. At college I had an English teacher who told me to send off my creative writing (this is the early 90s) and I did, but without success back then.

-How long after you left school was it before you wrote anything aimed at publication

About 10 years, and then stopped for another 25, and started again 2 years ago. My first ever publication was by you wonderful people – Saturday Omelettes.

-If you have an idea for a story in the middle of the supermarket what action do you take?

Whip out my phone and type it into ‘Notes’.

-Do you find ideas come to you randomly or only when you sit down to write.

I find it incredibly difficult to sit down and write without an idea, so don’t do that. This means that I just do my day job until an idea comes, and then I’ll sit down to start writing it. This makes me whatever the opposite of prolific is unfortunately.

-Have you ever been on a writing retreat and if so how was it?

I haven’t, and probably wouldn’t. Although, I reckon the experience itself would make great material for future stories.

– What is the worst film version of a book that you’ve seen?

The Grapes of Wrath directed by John Ford. I know this won Oscars, has a 100% score on Rotten Tomatoes, but the book is one of those that had such an impact on me and I understand that because of the time they made the film (start of WWII) they made the ending optimistic and happy, but I honestly felt affronted by it, as that is not the end of the book. I’m not sure they could have filmed the end of the book in 1940.

– What invention has been the downfall of the 20 / 21st century?

I want to say the obvious, such as the internet, smart phones, the nuclear bomb, but my honest answer is I’m not convinced there is an invention that has been the downfall of our time.

– How do you get kids to read?

Fill the house the grow up in with books.

– If you had no bottle opener, how would you open a beer?

Angle the bottle on the right-angle edge of something firm and thump it with the bottom of my fist.

– What topic(s) would you not take on?

Politics, religion.

– How many friends and family ask how your writing is going?

My mum asks me when I call her. A few friends ask too. It’s very nice to be asked.

-Has anything you have written told you something about yourself you did not know (good or bad)?

Yes, that I will use my own and other people’s deeply personal experiences as inspiration for a story, and sometimes that makes me feel parasitical and cold-hearted.

-Do you regret having a certain item published?

No, not yet.

-Do you have a work that has been repeatedly rejected that still means a lot to you?

I have written half a novel’s worth related to my teen years, and have had some stories that are slices of that published, but not the whole thing. I’m a much better starter than finisher when it comes to writing.

– What is your motto?

‘Never give up until the fight is done’.

– What is the thing that you genuinely don’t give a fuck about?

The opinions of bigots.

– What is the weirdest thing that you enjoy?

Absolutely anything in a sandwich – a sausage roll in a sandwich, toasted bread with salt and pepper as a sandwich filling, crisps, mushy peas, mashed potato – this answer could go on for days.

– What song are you embarrassed to like?

Toxic by Britney Spears. Most Carpenters songs too, but decreasingly embarrassed about that one.

-Green or Black olives?

Green – stuffed.

– Name a book that most rave about that you hate.

I didn’t get The Wasp Factory by Iain Banks, and Faulkner, I don’t understand what the pleasure is.

– Who was the least interesting Beatle?

Paul McCartney – and still is.

– Name a story that you have read on this site that you wish you had written.

At the risk of pissing off everyone else, pretty much anything by Tom Sheehan. I think he’s an absolute master of style and pace. His control of his sentences and his ability to transport the reader to a place is superb.

– Would you try a cheese and jam (Must be red) sandwich?

Yes, Stilton and raspberry jam. I would happily try, and repeat trying this one – if the Stilton can be vegan nowadays though!

– What can you never have enough of?

Other than a Stilton and raspberry jam sandwiches? Honest answer – love.

– What food / drink makes you grue?

Not much at all actually. I’ve eaten some rough looking stuff over the years. However, I did get shitfaced on a bottle of sherry I nicked from my mum when I was 15, and have not been a fan since then.

– Why do we eat a bull and not a panda?

I don’t eat meat personally, but I also don’t want to claim people who do are hypocrites. We don’t eat pandas because there are not enough to go round. Get them breeding much more successfully and I reckon panda burgers wouldn’t be far behind.

– Families, a blessing or a curse?

Yes, for sure.

– Sugar or salt?

Me, salt.

– Most overrated writer ever?

Faulkner. Don’t understand the attraction.

– Would the slaughter of the british royal family generate more or less income?

More, because what they own, and the wealth they have, is increasingly obscene. I’m a strong anti-royalist and believe we should go the way of the French (okay, they can keep their heads).