Sunday Whoever.

This week’s whoever has been a wonderfully quirky and enthusiastic supporter of the site for a long time now. We first published Doug Hawley in 2016 and he has been with us submitting, reading, commenting, and generally getting in the way since then. Have a look at his back catalogue.

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Hello Doug
 
Congratulations! The team at Literally Stories want to know a lot more about you. You may have seen in the weekend roundups that we are introducing a new feature for one Sunday in each month. Our Get To Know the Authors feature is a writer interview to give you the opportunity to let us into your deepest, darkest secrets – Oh, apparently I can’t ask you that – so follows a list of questions. If you don’t wish to take part, please let us know and then we will assume your secrets are very deep and very, very dark because after all, what writer doesn’t want to talk about their craft!?
 
– What topic(s) would you not take on?
– Could you write a story with purple or lilac as the main story line?
– Bubble baths…Why?
– Best decade for music?
– Best decade for films?
– What is the point of a point?
– ‘The Exorcist’ – Hilarious or scary?
– Would you ever try a cheese and jam sandwich?? (Any red jam!)
– How many friends and family ask how your writing is going?
– What in your opinion is the best line you’ve written?
– Records? Tapes? Or CDs?
-What percentage of Dogs dream of Ro

Thank you
The LS team.

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I slept on the answers, but that wrinkled them, so instead I used AI – artificial ignorance – to produce the Q & A.

– What topic(s) would you not take on? 

First thought – an essay ranking the top ten Hallmark movies. I would, however, take a deal to write vampires, zombies, werewolf, YA, or traditional romance for a multimillion-dollar advance, with guaranteed residuals, 50% of the gross of the marketed dross, and five sequels. Anyone interested? 

– Could you write a story with purple or lilac as the main story line? 

Yes, Purple is my favorite color and I have a funny (to me) story about a submission to Lavender magazine. 

– Bubble baths…Why? 

A chance to do a bubble dance while covering up one’s naughty bits (thanks Monte Python). Requires opaque bubbles. Have not had a bath for years (I do take showers). 

– Best decade for music? 

If one interprets that as ten years I’d take 1955-1965 Rock Around The Clock to Satisfaction.  1950s or 1960s tough call.  Prime Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, Fats Domino, Everly Brothers against Doors, Rolling Stones, Surpremes, Beach Boys, Beatles.  1960s by a hair. I collect big band, blues, rock, a little country and folk. I like a lot of music from the 1930s to the 1970s. After that the old man is out of it. 

– Best decade for films? 

Not so much up on that.  Have not viewed many of the best known. I’ll say 1960s because that is when I paid the most attention. It was liberating to finally view and hear people acting naturally. I have warm feelings about Bond, James Bond. Again, favorites over the years – Wizard Of Oz (I’m rereading the stories my father read to me) and Ghost Busters. 

-What is the point of a point? 

Sounds meta. I prefer stories to have a point, but one of my favorites is “A rabbi, a priest, and a pastor walk into a bar. The bartender says ‘Is this some kind of joke’”. 

-‘The Exorcist’ – Hilarious or scary? 

If I had seen it as a youth it would probably have been scary. As an adult, it was mixed. Like similar things tragedy or horror becomes humo(u)r over time- see “Abbott& Costello Meet Some Monster”. Linda Blair has parodied “The Exorcist”. See “Repossessed”. 

-Would you ever try a cheese and jam sandwich?? (Any red jam!) 

For amusement or money, yes, for pleasure no. 

-How many friends and family ask how your writing is going? 

Easy. None. Live in editor finds out I’ve written something when I hand her the crappy first draft. 

– What in your opinion is the best line you’ve written? 

I might give a different answer on a different day. I like “She passed the off ramp to voluptuous at a hundred miles an hour and didn’t look back.” It’s from the story “Altared States” (spelling of first word varies and is a takeoff on the movie “Altered States”) based on fragments of my life. Editor and perhaps anyone who read it didn’t know what it meant. 

– Records? Tapes? Or CDs? 

I’ve had all of those forms. All on computer now. Converting has taken years and continues. 

-What percentage of Dogs dream of Rock and Roll? 

I think that editor said something like “_____hell” when she looked at the questions. Serious person I am, here is my answer: 50% of those named Elvis, Mick, Fats, Paul or Jerry Lee (but none named just Jerry, or Mommy’s Sweetheart) and a lesser percent of John, Ringo, George, Jim, Brian, Keith, Charles, or Bill. 

If I may, I’d like to thank the LS peeps, Maysam Kandej (made DougIR), Bill Tope, and all of the other writers who have supported me who are not really former actuaries faking it. If I mayn’t, nobody will see this. 

Amazon Worst Seller, Doug Hawley