Disturbing content – see tags at the bottom of the page.
Gil doesn’t talk, just sits there drawing demons. Mr. Ny clapped his erasers together and called Gil to the blackboard for one of his impossible Geometry theorems. Gil snatched up the chalk, like a pissed-off Picasso, and made quick hard chalk-chalk marks, and it was solved. The last bell rang and the mad dash.
A yellow school bus dropped Gil at the corner of Wayne and Canal Street. A drizzle and the smelly river greeted them. The little kids escaped the bus in front of Gil going in four different directions, like Pacman was chasing them in the rain.
Gil’s earbuds played no music, only a mechanical pump-exhale, pump-exhale, pump-exhale. The ventilator soundtrack he recorded on his phone of his brother Lloyd. Before his mother ripped the plug out of the wall.
They diagnosed Gil with Aspergers Syndrome in the wake of several other mental disorder diagnoses. He walked down Canal Street past the sewer plant and watched the carp for a moment flopping under the spilling brown water. The gray sky alternated from the drizzle to pounding the pavement and his head for the seventh day straight.
The burnt orange bungalow leaned over the street like it was waiting to commit an act of indecent exposure. The townsfolk, who never were friendly, spray painted KILLER again. It does no good, but he grabbed the orange can of latex paint and the sloppy brush in the Folgers can sitting by the rocking chair. Now Gil had a matching half-orange door, but KILLER bled through as the wind kicked up and the rain hit the wet paint. Only a lunatic would paint in the rain. The town concurred.
“Wet paint on the door, Mom,” says Gil, his only words in two days. He sank into the end of the ratty green couch. Salmon patties sizzled and stank up the house. Gil was watching the dark gray TV screen. It was full of demons. It was Legion. He took the two antipsychotic pills his mother had laid out on the yellowed doily. The blue horse pills were too powerful for Aspergers Syndrome. Aspergers doesn’t have a chance against these puppies, but the bigger demons love a little afternoon buzz. They shift and bob inside Gil’s mind like the carp rolling under the sewer pipe.
His mother Helen, rubbed her hands, wringing out her unsolvable problems. She feared Gil was acting like Lloyd, his deceased brother. Lloyd used to sit in the same spot on the dumpy green couch. He quit talking. No one could get him to talk, and he unplugged the TV. He’s the one who told Gil that it was full of demons, but everyone knows that.
Helen picked up the water glass noticing the happy pills were gone off the end table. She plugged in Gilbert’s long-time babysitter, even if it was Legion. A man announced to his frowning wife as if she didn’t know, his penis was curved upward. Helen thinks, Did Lloyd have a crooked penis? Is that why he did what he did?
She frowned at the TV woman agreeing with her, no one should have to endure a crooked penis, but commercials about funny-looking carrots were too much for sensitive Gilbert. “Sorry Tootsie,” she said to the woman and clicked her to the Christian channel. A tall glossy preacher man materialized and spoke to a thousand people. There…
After a two-hour sermon, Gilbert was properly inoculated with religiosity and two salmon patties for the evening. Gilbert got up, a slack mouth in the position of “Duh,” was dripping drool onto his shirt. His black Chuck Taylor’s just like Lloyd’s with the big ALL STARS logos slowly did the thorazine shuffle across the shaggy blue carpet to the shaggy steps. Helen liked how he moved, which meant the antipsychotics were working. All of his hard edges were smooth now. Everyone was safe. After he left she wondered if he was putting on an act? Lloyd fooled everyone, too.
Helen suddenly remembered the strange snaps and clacks, and the ominous click-click-click that she kept hearing from Lloyd’s room, while she was tinkling on the toilet. She hoped Lloyd was doing a giant Lego project or rolling matchboxes, but he had outgrown those childish things years ago. Maybe he was playing an aggressive game of chess against himself? Die Bishop. Die Queen. Die Knight. Die pawn. Die pawn. Die pawn. Die pawn. Die pawn.
She realized later after watching his infamous Facebook stream. He was disassembling and reassembling an AR-15 in record time, and dry firing it around the room. A grand jury was in the works but chose not to indict her on manslaughter charges. Helen had no idea Lloyd had a gun or even knew how to use one. He was fifteen.
The next day, Helen stood in Lloyd’s old room for the daily exorcism. She hung crosses on every wall and had a clock radio set on the Christian channel. Most days nothing was happening, but today the covers were pulled off the bed. She would have to read the Bible. A coppery scent of blood came, so thick she could taste it like she was sucking on a new penny. Then she realized she had bitten her bottom lip and blood dribbled off her chin. Lloyd had become the thing in the closet. She had the distinct feeling that Lloyd, who attempted to take his own life at the Lilly Street Mall, after killing eight people—he was in there—right behind that flaking white closet door. The real him. The demon.
“Lloyd is that you?” She heard something like a giggle and wasn’t sure if it came from her mouth or the closet.
Helen stared at the closet door. Her heart was thudding in her chest. She reached for the doorknob but stopped, and she ran out of the room. Later downstairs in the kitchen, standing over a sizzling skillet of discounted stir-fry her eyes went to a dark water spot in the ceiling about where Lloyd’s bedroom was located. The water spot looked like one of Gil’s demons. Like he was currently drawing in Geometry II class.
Image: By TheAlphaWolf – Derivative work of File:Stag2wi.jpg, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=16889739 – two black AR15 rifles.
literally stories 
Christopher
Utterly disturbing and brilliant. America is still the land of “Good Christian” politicians, guns, pills, and an amazing abundance of assholes. Truly a terrible mix. The mother knows but has delegated it all to heaven. But would any of us do better in her situation? But she listens to preachers. Dark and honest.
Leila
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Leila,
Yes, the mother seems to have it the worst, in this world of lunacy. Thanks!
Christopher
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Tough, harsh and depressing. The poor woman. when dark deeds happen the shadow spreads a long long way. This terrible story was very well wrought I thought and is deserving of the audience warning. Great writing though, thank you – dd
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Diane
Yes I agree these awful events are unending. Thanks!
Christopher
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Wow! That is a bad ass picture. Thanks!
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Christopher
This story has the “TRUE GEN” written all over it, which was Hemingway’s nickname for “true genius.”
This story is so chillingly realistic and true that it should be sent to whoever’s in charge of fixing things so they can see what’s WRONG with the USA (and the world). Unfortunately, THERE IS NO ONE IN CHARGE OF FIXING THINGS and that seems to be one of this story’s very human themes, and one of history’s lessons.
Some fiction is “escapist,” penned for people to leave this world behind and enter somewhere else for a while. That can be genius too or, in the wrong hands, it can be just another pill and distraction.
But this story could be from nowhere else but in America, USA, 2025, just like Chekhov’s work could have been from nowhere else but where he was at the time.
Many of Chekhov’s tales deal with brutal themes (as brutal as it gets), up to and including a mad mother murdering her baby with boiling water and laughing about it.
This story holds back on the horror a little bit, just like Chekhov did, and that makes the horror all the more real, just like Mr. Kurtz said, and just like Conrad did in “Heart of Darkness.” Focusing on the murderer’s family instead of on the murders and murderer IS A STROKE OF TRUE GEN.
The sympathy for humanity in this story, presented with such restraint, is beyond what normal short story writing usually deals with. That makes it religious in its way. True religion has NOTHING to do with creeds, dogma or churches, and that was one of Jesus’ many main messages. His main message was to have sympathy/empathy for the neighbor, the outsider or those in any kind of need (and for all of the creation). The two main characters in your story couldn’t be MORE outsiders than they are, and the unstated empathy in this piece is nothing short of profound.
This is a masterpiece of its kind, and as Bob Marley said in one of his songs, “Time will tell.”
I’ve got more to say on this story, but I’m taking care of two 17-year-olds who both have the flu so I have to run for now!!
CONGRATS on creating this great story. The subject matter is brutal and terrifying, AND REAL, so knowing everything you needed to know in order to write this story can not be easy. But real art is always redemptive one way or another, and THIS IS REAL ART.
Dale
PS, THIS STORY, LIKE (literary) POETRY, SHOULD BE READ MANY TIMES IN ORDER to get the full effect!
PPS, Holy Sh-t, this is a good story!!
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Christoper
I enjoyed your story. Some great moments. A fair look inside psychotic disorders. As for audience warnings, what are we doing to ourselves if we don’t read freely?
Goldilocks. Warning: Bears! Food of various temperatures; inappropriate furniture; appropriation of porridge, chairs, and beds; hyper-curiosity. It was a tough read, but most of us survived it.
Your story had important insights to share. Thanks. — Gerry
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Hi Gerry
Thanks for your comments! Wonderful! I somehow missed your post. I can totally relate to what you’re saying about reading, and tags. I tried to send this to other magazines and it was almost like they were saying “NO!” Some did say no and I suspect some of it was the theme–like–you can’t write about things like this. I’m glad LS has a strong grasp on reality. Reality isn’t a soft little animal that you can pet and nurture. Reality is a bitch, lol. That’s why people get drunk and high and everything else to escape. But it’s here… in the morning.
Christopher
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Dale,
Wow that is a truly great review! The things you said about a story coming from a time and place. SO TRUE! That’s what I like so much about Chekhov! How you get to see/feel a time period. He talks of the Jesus Icons on dead bodies and the tea samovars on a peasant’s table. History from a personal account–not just getting it forced into your head from a Social Studies or World History textbook. (Even though it didn’t take much force for me because I always loved History).
I wondered if I should even write about this topic. But every time the News is on there it is in one form or another. Sometimes I wear dark clothes to stores so if shots ring out… The active might miss me! True story. AND How the New Year came in to New Orleans… SCREAM! I CAN”T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS SHIT!
A certain, sometimes a large number of the human race, always wants to kill another portion of the human race. When they’re not hunting animals to extinction (Fuck faces-all). Depending on what war, hate group, hate fad, or simply hate itself is operating at whatever point in history.
Good luck with your sick kids today, stay warm! It’s colder than hell here in central Indiana, but the sun is shining.
Thanks for your kind words and comments!
Christopher
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Ananias
In many ways, this tale is like a mirror, reflecting back to the reader what is…and this kind of Chekhovian realism takes an immense amount of imagination to create, an imaginative sympathy wherein the writer can truly, empathically enter into the lives of other humans not himself…
Don’t know if you’ve ever read Chekhov’s long story “Ward No. 6,” but it’s very much worth checking out in the context of “After Lloyd.” The nature of a decaying, declining society and how this affects the members of that society has never gotten more profound, perhaps, than in this tale of Anton’s. Like your story, it’s disturbing, but it’s also a revelation, and revelations are always life-affirming, no matter how horrifying it seems on the surface.
Raymond Carver also comes to mind. He too was the author of a kind of mythic realism that explored the nature of downtrodden folks inhabiting a declining society. His writings are more real now than they were when he wrote them. That’s one of the virtues of sticking close to “the way things really are,” if done in the right way, not the merely “topical” way.
Of course, Chekhov was, by his own admission, very much Carver’s favorite writer, right up to and including Carver’s essay-like short story called “Chekhov,” one of his last great works.
The influence of these two writers on your work/s is not “obvious” or overt at all, but the writerly relations are there, and THAT is totally cool, awesome, brilliant, AND extremely inspiring!!
Great job with “point of view” in this story. And the prose is truly poetic without being overtly or overly poetic, again, brilliant!!
Hemingway often talked about courage and bravery in writing (not just in life). Taking on this topic was courageous and brave.
Just like they called Carver a new Chekhov, I think you can be called a new Carver; the three stories you’ve published on LS so far are all masterpieces of their kind! All of them can stand up to repeat/ed readings…
As the character says in Carver’s story “Fat”: “If we had our choice, no. But there is no choice.”
DWB
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Dale
Thank you for the great praise of this story! And my other two that means a lot! It really brightened me up yesterday reading your review.
Yes I read “Ward 6” by C. That was a long one, but definitely worth it. Sad how the Dr. Rabin ended up on the ward, and became sort of invisible with the other more or less insane people. Chekhov’s “The Peasants” is another long one (probably a novella) and this “decline of society” that you described is also there. A real study of poverty– there’s a giant iron kitchen stove in this little dirt floor shack that they sleep on and there’s overcrowding, a tea samovar, and geese honking, lol. The writing is pretty wonderful, like always, describing this rabble of people and awful circumstances. Another one that’s a little different but so immediate it will literally take your breath away is called “A Joke.” Chekhov’s descriptions of action will lift your stomach into your throat. I think one of my favorites is “A Dead Body.” Read that a few times, so dark… Actually I need to go back and read more of his work. Stay geared up, so to speak. I think as a reader a person can be proud of these choice authors to educate oneself. In my humble opinion the writers from the 1800s are some of the very best. Or maybe its that time period, but they are great!
It’s so cool that Chekhov was Carver’s hero. I’m sure I read Carver’s essay “Chekhov.” The scene in the restaurant when nothing can be done for the Physician and Dr. Chekhov orders the customary champagne is heart breaking, but also grand, such a gracious man of style even at death’s door, only 44.
“Fat,” I liked that one, definitely! That’s so cool you know all of these stories! Of course being a literary professor it may come with the territory, but I don’t really know anyone that I can discuss these stories with that have actually read and appreciate them, and all of your suggestions on writers and the writing process is amazing!
Thanks again!
Christopher
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Christopher
Another thing I like about “Ward No. 6” is how sneaky, self-serving, hypocritical, bitchy, grinning, self-righteous, shallow, fearful, cowardly, metaphorically blind, and horrible all the townspeople are as they send the good Dr. Ragin to be incarcerated with the rest of the town “nuts.” That is, I don’t like “it,” but I do love how Chekhov EXPOSES the absolute small-mindedness of the town, which is a microcosm for the small-mindedness of the Empire…Ragin has it coming to him in many ways, as he thoroughly let his own nihilism dominate his personality for far too long a time…and on another level, he’s a Christ-like figure who doesn’t deserve it at all… which is part of Chekhov’s fiction-writing greatness, the levels of the complexity that mirror life’s complexity almost…stay tuned for more comments on your recent comments in the near future! Gotta run for now…
Dale
PS, It’s hilarious to think that Chekhov was almost universally condemned in his own time by all the highfalutin Russian literary critics who claimed, ALMOST without exception, that he was a “bad,” “artless” writer….because his plots are so natural, because he begins in the middle and ends in the air (without a moral), and because his stories were so “realistic” at the time they thought all he was doing was transcribing what he saw in front of him…
“Art should ASK questions, NOT answer them…” – Chekhov
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Dale
That”s great how you summed up Chekhov’s small town. Timeless. I don’t know if they made a movie of “Ward 6,” if not they should. “Begins in the middle and ends in the air.” That sounds brilliant! I like stories without a moral they are truer to life. Human behavior is propelled by insanity half the time. I read “A Peculiar Man” by C. yesterday. It’s fun and interesting to be reading Chekhov’s stories again and Ray Bradbury’s “Dandelion Wine.” Quite a lyrical writer. That’s a great quote. “Art should ASK questions, NOT answer them…” – Chekhov
Christopher
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Hi Christopher!
How goes it over there in the Land of Indiana?!
One of my daughters ended up in the hospital for a few days with a wicked bad flu (she already made an awesome bounce-back recovery) and I was simultaneously a bit knocked out with the return of a wicked back injury when my dogs yanked me off my feet on the ice (and I received a small, too-small in my estimation, amount of prescription pain killers from someone I know) but now I too am bounced-back, although still limping around a bit because of my back! The under-the-counter prescription pain killers are gone, and while the back injury still lingers, I can’t say it’s the worst pain I’ve ever had, so I’ve got that going for me.
I was thinking again about the CHARACTERS in your stories! Their reality, or real-seemingness, is extremely effective, like reflections in a mirror almost of what we call reality. Another thing is your prose style. Its poetic, natural-seeming nature, with few to no discernible, or overly overt influences, is a tool of great dexterity and flexibility. One only gets this good with massive natural talent combined with years of ironclad dedication that begins with reading, reading, reading, and practice, practice, practice!
While I was sitting in the hospital next to my daughter with my bad back, I was able to produce copious notes toward the finishing of my essay “Gordon Lish Motel 6 Indiana Road Trip.” If all goes well and as planned, that fictional essay will be finished some time in the near-ish future. I have you, and LS, to thank for this one, as it grew out of our (yours and my) back and forth and your recommendation about expanding it! So thank you!
I was listening to THE BAND again, they’ve got an awesome version of Springsteen’s song “Atlantic City” that’s worth playing and listening to over and over and again…
Write back when you can! Hope all is well…
Dale
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Hey Dale
The weather is pretty slush here in the central lands of Indiana–flat and dreary. Like Poe’s “The Raven, rap rap tap taping on the chamber door.” A cold snap is coming too, tomorrow. And when its zero here I know it’s going to be bad up in Chicago! I used to live up North and we would get that lake effect snow and COLD. Getting ready for the playoffs today and Notre Dame on Monday! (I started this earlier.) Watching the Chiefs now!
Hey so sorry to hear about your fall. I can totally relate to dogs pulling the ole legs out! Wow, were you walking more than one? Iv’e thought about it but our dogs both weigh around eighty pounds each and they go nuts over anything that moves. I hate back injuries, that blows.
Glad my characters come across as real! Thanks! I think that is one of the hardest things in writing fiction. Finding and describing that character, without the old mirror trick or some other gadget, that drives a story. The character people care about. The flawed human. You hear a lot about the dreaded wooden character. Chekhov is a master at bringing a character to life. And the setting as a character too. I agree the reading is so important to this writing process, and a lot of fun, too.
I think your “Gordon Lish Motel 6 Indiana Road Trip.” is going to be fantastic! I felt your turmoil when you were in that motel drinking and trying to write a story for the legend Gordon Lish and the mystery of Carver lingering over it too. How Lish stated he would not talk about Carver. The world needs to hear this story!
I read “Cathedral” and I guess Lish was heavy handed on it, but I thought it was great! The uncut version “The Beginners” has more meat, but I can’t say I remember it more. Carver is the minimalist so it makes me wonder “Who made who ?” like that old AC/DC song. They were both giants so it’s a big deal.
I’ll have to check out the Springsteen song done by The Band. I used to jam to Bruce!
I’ve been reading a book of short stories called Full Throttle by Stephen King’s son, writing under the name of Joe Hill. I’m liking it! It’s neat to find someone else to read. I read an experimental story by him too that is basically a social media post in time intervals called “Twittering from the Circus of the Dead” At first I found it hard to get into then it turned into something great!
Christopher
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Greetings, Ananias, on the road to Damascus!
And on one of the WEIRDEST days in Weird America, where an orange, demented Malignant Narcissist Insurrectionist Snake-oil Salesman with very bad hair is somehow returning to power, and bringing his hellish, devilish, greedy, grinning, pinched, mean and ugly minions with him on a day we’re supposed to be celebrating the “better angels of our nature” and one of the best, bravest, strongest, truest, holiest, most creative men America, or the world, has ever produced! I salute you, MLK! El Presidente, I give you the finger, i.e. flip you the bird! And in Chicagoland the wind chill “real feel” temp is 18 below zero F thanks to literally Siberian air! How could it get any weirder?
I’ll bet Stephen King, moral foe of The Snake-Oil Salesman and his Greedy Minions, is rolling over in his vampire lair somewhere and preparing to speak his mind again…
Yes, I’m just crazy enough to walk three dogs at one time, two Siberians and one pit bull, which is one reason I sometimes end up on my ass on the ice! They do seem to understand that they need to chill a bit when I’m walking three at once so they don’t bring me down or trip me up, but sometimes they get ahead of themselves! We walk an average of 7 miles per day together on a good day, sometimes in alleyways and on non-busy sidewalks and parks, other times in the local urban nature reserves.
I know what you mean when you said you tried to get into reading it and didn’t get into it at first, but did later! David Lynch said the same thing in an interview about some music he heard. RIP DAVID! He said hated it the first time. The second time he got interested. The third time he started thinking it was really good. By the fourth and fifth, and more, times the piece of music he was referring to (which I’d never heard of) had become something he thought was truly great, one of his favorites of all time! I heard a term once somewhere – “kick-in time” – it means the time it takes to approach some kinds of art. You don’t like it at first, but later realize (when you have an open mind and a soul that’s willing to return) that it’s truly great. Much great art, like that of Picasso and Van Gogh, and some things by Michelangelo or Leonardo da Vinci, looks UGLY at first, even to the point of making you turn away. You have to KEEP LOOKING before you see the beauty! You have to be willing to return!
I’ve seen THE BOSS in concert two times, both many years ago, both in St. Louis. His song “The Wrestler” is a great, great song! From the movie of the same name, which is also pretty great. Mickey Rourke turns in a classic performance, which can be set alongside his performance in BARFLY.
Bukowski didn’t like Mickey Rourke as himself in Barfly, but I think that’s because Buk wouldn’t have liked anyone but himself playing that role! Faye Dunaway was great in that movie! A beautiful woman as a ragged, drunken, beaten-down, chain-smoking alcoholic! How can it get any better?
Mostly, THANKS for the feedback and the encouragement on my “Gordon Lish Motel 6 Indiana Road Trip” essay! One thing it includes much of is the Politically Incorrect topic of drinking and driving, which I don’t do any more and haven’t for twenty years but which used to be one of my favorite hobbies not to say daily activities, kind of like the Big Lebowski does in his movie! SO I explain that I’m a reformed sinner who doesn’t do it any more. BUT I emphasize that I also never had an accident, at least not while intoxicated! (Okay, I had several when I was a teenager. Actually totaled seven cars. THANK GOD never hurt anyone but myself. Always drove fastest on abandoned roads in the country. Still, I could have hurt someone. The fact that I totaled seven cars and always walked away mostly unscathed leads me now to believe that Someone was watching over me. I don’t know who or how or why. But I do believe in Guardian Angels. And I don’t believe we’re ever TRULY alone.)
Write back when ya can!! Thanks again for the feedback and encouragement, it really means the world to me!
Sincerely,
Dale
Bukowski said: “Jesus was a poet, Buddha was a poet, Martin Luther King was a poet.”
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Dale
Fantastic commentary my friend! I know what you’re saying about our current state of the Apocalypse. The oligarchs are rising like the beast in Revelations. You have described this transfer of power and the “Cult of Personality,” in the sharpest and most excellent detail and dread!
Yes. Steve has picked up stakes and moved on with his millions of followers from Twitter to the new (if it is new) Blue Sky social media platform. I think a lot of Democrats are leaving Musk’s Twitter (X) behind and Facebook as these tech giants line up forces with the current ADMIN. Rock on S.K.! Keep on fact checking Steve!
Wow that’s incredible walking! 7 miles is awesome! That encourages me to go for one! Three Siberian Huskies what a beautiful troupe of dogs to behold! If the snow hits. You could get a sled and do the Jack London around Chicago! That might make a good story, hum…
Yes indeed on this interpretation of art. I once took an art philosophy class, and unlike the other classes, it really stuck with me. The seeming globs of “Action Painting,” by the half drunken and chain smoking Jackson Pollack, might be an example of this “the more you see phenomenon,” that you mentioned. The way you approached this subject is brilliant. The immediate looking away and then seeing, might be a nice sign post for the open minded people you speak of. Open mindedness has to be an ingredient of art and the appreciation of it. RIP David Lynch. “The Lost Highway” was the first movie I watched of his. Everything is so surreal–I see a sort of beautiful shining darkness in his movies. Sad how a lot of the people of our generation are passing.
I love Mickey Rourke in the Wrestler and Barfly! He should have won the Oscars for both of them. I didn’t make the connection that he was playing Bukoswki. Been a minute since I’ve seen it. Now I can watch it from a new more revealing prospective. Thanks! Frank Stallone played a great part as the fighting bartender. I liked when Mickey asked Fay Dunaway “What do you do?” and she said, “I drink.” Now that’s a beautiful line.
Your welcome–my pleasure on your “Motel 6 Indiana!” The way you write these personal accounts and intertwine these famous artist really grabs the reader! There is a historical view and a personal narration that is totally winning!
Seven totaled cars, man, you’re lucky to be here! That sounds crazy! I can relate to drinking as it took over my life for years. lol! I was a total fuck up. All the usual stuff–locked up covered up or sobered up. Thank God for AA. This sordid life– is great fodder for writing fiction in a sort of a Denis Johnson view (hopefully or I wish).
In the last post… I overlooked your hospital visit to see your daughter. I hope she is doing well. Hospitals are rather serious places.
I forgot to add a warning at the beginning. “Read with caution sure to have many typos.” The last time quoting Poe I said (sic) taping instead of tapping on the chamber door, ouch. Probably still-misquoting and spelling.
Cool Buk quote! Poets all!
Ananias “Out in the cold” on the road to Damascus. Not sure If I’m leaving democracy behind or not, taking the higher road to salvation either way.
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Christopher
It’s totally cool that you’re an SK Constant Reader and yet you don’t write in the horror genre, like you pointed out in your recent post to Hugh and as your stories attest. That kind of thing – being overwhelmingly influenced by one particular writer or kind of writer, and yet not actually writing the same kind of work that writer or writers write – is what causes the best writing to occur. It’s like the Synthesis of Thesis plus Antithesis, where a new thing is made from two separate things being brought together. The horror of the realism or the realism of your horror in the three LS stories (so far) and your other pieces online that I’ve read is a brilliant creation. It’s like you took the fantasy horror of King and made it real, or took the real horrors of life and made them into something that’s partway mythic-American in nature. Also, the kind of realistic horror or horror of realism you write has a lot of life affirming qualities to it, paradoxically and ironically. Just like Chekhov. For me, your writing seems much closer to Chekhov and Carver than King, but a reader can feel King there too at the same time (very much under the surface in just the right way). Like Picasso, you’ve managed to take a lot of materials already there and reinvent them. Like the best writing, it’s based on other writing but is not a rip-off of anyone.
Trump claims he’s starting his mass deportations right here in Chicago. I live in a neighborhood that’s mostly Mexican (and in an apartment complex that’s mostly black). This makes a lot of people where I live very, very nervous. One can feel the tension in my neighborhood and how it’s ratcheted up a few notches. People are going on with their daily lives, of course. But no one feels as safe today as they did before yesterday. It’s very, very bad on that level.
All valid scientists say we have four years to do something about the Climate Crisis. Trump has already withdrawn the US from the Paris agreement and given the go-ahead on drilling in the Arctic. This is, literally, nothing short of a vile and nasty, full-scale attack on Mother Nature herself, and one that will – literally – have consequences for thousands of years, not just on people but also on all the other animals. All of them. It’s so horrible I can hardly bear to think about it, and yet it must be thought on. One has to come to terms with it one way or another. (Hugh takes a philosophical approach to this which on one level I agree with.) Simply ignoring it is immoral beyond belief and one reason things got this way in the first place.
I heard an intelligent commentator on You Tube say there might come a new birth of Democracy in America after the Trump years – after he does everything from cause a great depression and even some sort of World War 3. No one knows what will happen. Anyone who thinks it’s good has blinders on their eyes – or their heart and soul.
I read an article or heard an interview that talked about how DOWN AND OUT IN CALIFORNIA Mickey Rourke was for like over twenty years. Literally living in a small, crappy apartment, buying his food at 7-11, not acting at all. Also an ex-boxer, an alkie, a drug abuser, other strange behaviors and on many levels very much like his characters in Barfly and the Wrestler! In other words, totally cool! Not a faker or a fraud. Authentic and Original. And I believe he also conquered the drugs and drink too. Even better!!
After I said I totaled 7 cars, I realized it might have been 5. Not all of them were mine, but all of them were junkers. There are a couple of old girlfriends somewhere who ain’t too happy about it to this day. Naw, after that many years they must have forgiven and forgot, about the cars at least!
Trump wants to rename Denali, Mount McKinley in Alaska, which was what it was named before they named it Denali again. I’ve been to that mountain in Alaska. I haven’t climbed it (I was drinking too much) but I’ve seen it. We renamed it Denali cuz we stole it from the Indians in the first place. NOW this bastard wants to take it back with a name! Why can’t ENOUGH be enough for some people!? Who needs more than a few billion dollars to make them happy? WHY are we letting them do it (thank you Spineless Democrats) and WHY has the United States turned into THIS!? (I hang my head in shame…)
Dale
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Hi Dale
I thought about horror writing. And I realized most of the things I write about (or have mostly been accepted) are real life horrors–not supernatural. Suspending reality is hard. So, I think you are spot on and it’s impressive how you pulled this together, almost Freudian. I think you have a gift for explaining the most complicated topics so they are clearly understood. Carver and Chekhov have certainly influenced my writing, and King’s dark themes have mixed with whatever darkness I’m trying to exorcise or exercise, lol. Sometimes I study the mechanics of these writers. Carver with just a few words can get a story on its feet. A seemingly simple style but ingenious and powerful. A fine example is the very short “The Father.” I find a dark humor in some of Chekhov’s writing. The way he sets a scene is masterful, The same could be said for King and Carver. How they use weather in their stories. Checkov with his dark Russian nights, so dark all you can make out are the cemetery gates. King brings the thunder and lightning so bright you see an after flash! Carver with the light leaking from the kitchen. Thanks for taking the time to analyze my stories! It is really helpful, because half the time I’m thinking what is my style or what am I good at writing? I don’t think everyone can write everything. They can but it might not work. if that makes sense. A writer would want to write to their strength if they know what it is. That takes a while. It might be half the battle. King was asked why do you write horror? It was meant as a criticism. One he heard before. He said you presume I can write something else. He also said he was a suspense writer. He’s an awful good crime story writer too in the style of the pulp fiction writer John D MacDonald. Funny how Poe leads them all with his detective Dupin, “Murders in Rue Morgue.” Dupin is a very cool dude. Top notch in all ways! “The Gold Bug’ is also a story of some deduction as well. I really became a fan after reading that! I never finished “the Purloin Letter,” which I need to revisit.
Now onto a more perilous topic. T. I wouldn’t want to be in the illegal immigrants shoes with him in office. Taking away the birth right seems a step too far. Businesses encourage them to cross the border. It’s their fault too. Once he gets done with them who’s next? I can see Kristallnacht coming. He pardoned all of his Brown Shirts, (even the worst of them) and his Man gives the sieg heil! The false flag is flying. Help us all.
The real-estate developer is inherently against the environment. They hate the environmental protections that get in the way of their pot of gold. He cares nothing about climate, so blatant with his magic markers signing it away. So we can all see the great mans signature. And all the fools cheers. Biden was the last of the descent ones.
A sort of apathy can cause the citizens to put their heads in the sand. That’s what they expect, but it doesn’t always happen. The poor always hate the rich and for good reason.
The Democrats dropped the ball. I thought the governor of California could have beat him. But they never had a primary. Biden was too old to beat him and Harris was too weak and radical for the main stream. Even though she would have been there for the poor person and the worker. Now it’s dog eat dog. 500 billion investment for AI. The tech scions are coming my friend. The day of the robber baron is on. And they love it!
I watched a Documentary about Mickey Rourke, and I think they black listed him in Hollywood. Yes Mickey is for real. For sure!
Your wrecked cars true life story might be another good one. It sounds like a Denis johnson story in the making. The fearlessness and catastrophes of youth. Where great fiction is born.
Back on current events… What gets me is they think they own the United States. These rich people want to change the name of these historic places.
Sometimes I wonder if I want to be a Democrat. i’m not sure anymore. I’m thinking a new party an Independent party. The founding founders might be marching about right now. They knew tyranny. They knew all the hallmarks of it.
Christopher
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Christopher
George Orwell surely had it nailed in that novel which he died finishing. WAR IS PEACE. HATE IS LOVE. DEATH IS LIFE. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHIG YOU.
We live in a world turned upside down (Dylan called it the world gone wrong) where they want us to believe all those things Orwell said they would want us to believe. They’ve already been enormously successful in convincing a far-too-large section of the populace. But they haven’t yet, and won’t be able to, convince all of us. That will be the saving grace in the end, no matter what horrors or half-horrors occur and result in the meantime…And I guess that’s what real writers are for and have always been for! Hemingway said you need the built-in, SHOCK-PROOF shit detector. They think they can shock us all into submission, yet as long as we don’t believe ’em, it simply ain’t happenin’! On one level, the simple act of not falling for it is the most important thing any of us can do.
There’s really only one person to turn to in times like these for the truth of it all (after Orwell, Hemingway, Dylan and others of their ilk). SO I quote him from memory. Returning to this is the surest way, the best way, the truest way, and in the end, the longest way. Like you said around Christmastime, people forget that this world is God’s footstool. He’ll take care of it.
“The poor are blessed in spirit. Theirs is the kingdom.
Blessed are those who mourn. They shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek. They shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness. They will be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful. They will receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure of heart. They will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers. They are the children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake. Theirs is the kingdom.
Blessed are you when others hate you, revile you, and persecute you and utter all kinds of false words about you on my behalf. Rejoice and be glad! Your reward is great. So they persecuted all the prophets who were before you.”
As Chris Stapleton says in the country song “Broken Halos”: “Don’t go looking for the reasons / Don’t go asking Jesus why / We’re not meant to know the answers / They belong to the by and by.”
On one level the Fat Don sure looks like he’s having fun with that sharpie pen of his, waving it around and pretending he rules the world. But there’s another Ruler waiting in the wings! And being such a stupid, ignorant, deluded, mean, spiteful, vengeful, hateful, scared (of his own father), paranoid, selfish, blind, greedy, needy, hungry, starved for attention, nasty, shitty, horrible, pure-bullshit bad man as Trump truly is, cannot be that much fun in the end.
I’d rather be a bottom dog dweller on his own than a scum-bag like Laughing Little Elon the Follower with his Hitler salute!
VERY GLAD to know you’re over there in Indiana and know all this stuff too. Old Honest Abe is rolling over in his grave on one level right about now. But he’s also saying, “Only hold on! We’ve seen all this before!” Also funny that Trump didn’t place his hand on the Bible while being sworn in! Probably afraid he’d be struck dead on the spot if he did that! LOL!
Dale
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Hey Dale
One thing I saw that was the only decent thing –in all the excoriating of President Biden and Harris as they sat there at the inauguration was… The 18 year old, rather towering, Baron Trump, politely shaking hands with President Biden and Kamala. That was classy, so good for him.
Christopher
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Christopher
Good to know! I always have to remind myself that he also said “Love your enemies.” As well as warning us about wolves in sheeps’ clothing. His message was so far from simple, in truth more complicated than anything else ever, making Einsteinian physics appear like a walk in the park by comparison. There’s so much paradox, love, and sometimes anger in everything he says. “I never knew you. Go away from me, you workers of lawlessness” next to “turn the other cheek.” He was the smartest, most complicated human who ever lived by far.
Keep your eyes peeled for an exploration of Bukowski’s philosophy this weekend! I think I nailed it pretty good; tried not to say the usual things about him, anyway.
Dale
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Dale
Yes his words are loaded with these paradoxes. And when he comes back the next time he’s the lion not the lamb. That’s a good comparison with him and Einstein’s physics. I see a blackboard full of impossible numbers and symbols. That makes it very clear that JC was frightfully complex, and how could the mortal ever understand the supernatural anyway?
I’ll check out your Bukowski! Great topic! It will be good to hear your perspective on him.
Currently working on a psych ward story. A lot shorter than “Ward 6.” The reading seems to be in a lull. I’m actually listening to Jesus’ Son again narrated by Will Patton. Almost like a meditation. His words continue to amaze like from “Dirty Wedding” , “turned in the windows like the images in a slot machine.” I read a story on LS by Ed N. White. I’m finding… He was a pretty good writer too.
Christopher
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Christopher
I believe everything you say about him.
Also, great job of expanding on/explaining/exploring my Einstein metaphor! You took my own commentary and handed it back to me in a much clearer way than it previously had been in my own mind.
I do believe Dennis Johnson believed everything you say, too. Not just because his best book is called JESUS’ SON, but also because he himself said so in interviews. JS aloud as meditation is a great way of putting it! Oscar Wilde said, “The artist is the creator of beautiful things.” Johnson’s sentences in JS are truly beautiful. Every single one of them, if I remember correctly, or at least that’s the total effect!
Can’t wait to read the psych ward story! As to it being shorter than Ward No. 6, DJ said this: “Write in blood. As if ink is so precious you can’t waste it.” Short stories survive the test of time better than novels (in general) because they’re more like poems, which is something Raymond Carver said repeatedly. (See JC’s parables as the greatest example/s ever of this. And Aesop’s fables, or Hans Christian Andersen’s tales, which are some of my very favorites.)
Again, can’t wait to read the psych ward story, having been in one myself for 7 days one time ten years ago! (I was also getting over a benzo/opioid addiction (pills, no needles) when I was in there. Going cold turkey on your own can result in losing your mind for a little while, it seems. Good to know!)
Found this quote recently by Paul Johnson: “Jesus lived in a cruel, unthinking world, and his life and death formed an eloquent protest against it. He offered an alternative: not an outward life of revolution and reform but an inner life of humility and love. We live in a cruel world, too. That is why his biography, in our terrifying twenty-first century, is so important. We must study it, and learn.”
Thanks for checking out “Buk the Philosopher” tomorrow! While he can’t hold a candle to J (and none of us can), he WAS one of the messengers!
Dale
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Dale
Thanks! The things you have written and quoted have already imparted a fresh wisdom on my thoughts about writing.
The Denis J. quote about writing “as if words are blood” is powerful! Makes you think you should as SK said, “Write whatever you want, but take it seriously.” And equally powerful is your Oscar Wilde quote, which almost sounds like a philosophical take. “The artist is the creator of beautiful things.” I have to consider this because writing about ugly things should have some beauty in it. In the language, a feeling, image, some tropical incense in the morgue… lol. Otherwise it might not appeal to the senses.
I can relate to your 7 day stay, been in/on a few of those places, too. Alcoholism got me there. The truth is in the fiction on this one, but full disclosure, it’s been a struggle. One of those I revisit and revisit.
Hans Christian Andersen’s “The Little Match Girl,” has one of the best written sound effects I’ve ever read as she strikes a match. ( actually heard especially heard, smelled the sulfur, saw the flash, felt the fire). It’s a rather haunting story. I think he should be studied for sure!
The parables of Jesus are the all time greats. I think it’s why stories are often told in courtrooms to the juries. It’s how we communicate, so I think you are spot on about what a short story is and what they can do vs a novel. I like Edgar Allen Poe’s definition of himself. “I’m a short story writer.” He has an essay on writing , too. Like Carver, King and all the others.
I’m getting ready to read your, “Buk the Philosopher”, and i’ll have some comments for you. Good luck!
Christopher
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Christopher
I once had a brilliant substance abuse counselor who repeatedly told me two things (among other things). One: a lapse is NOT a relapse (a relapse is a full-blown plunge back into the old behaviors; a lapse is a “mistake” you recover from before it gets too bad). And two: Harm Reduction is the most important thing; NOT “perfection.” (One drink or even five or ten is way better than the whole bottle plus another one, and sometimes I used to literally drink two fifths of Jack Daniels (or tequila) in one night.)
Alcohol has not passed my lips in almost exactly 20 years (I quit for good in summer of 2005). However, throughout those years, I have substituted and or explored quite a bit, up to and including opioids (pills only, never needles). Many of my experiments have been miserable failures, like the times I became physically addicted to benzodiazepines and opioids. Now I never touch benzos, and on the rare occasion when I do touch opioids (never needles) I literally know when to stop before becoming addicted. It sounds outrageous that I would substitute opioids for alcohol. And yet every time I’ve done it, it has stopped me from drinking instead and, for the most part, “saved my life.” Not only does this sound outrageous, it IS outrageous. And yet, ALCOHOL FOR ME IS THE TRUEST POISON. If I took one sip, I would go on and drink to the level of being so blasted I would literally black out and fall down the stairs or other similar not-so-amusing behaviors. Literally.
Medical Marijuana (and for me it really is medical) has, for me, proved to be the Godsend. After the stroke I had on May 3, 2024, (pretty much fully recovered now nine months later, and partially recovered almost immediately afterward), I no longer smoke it, and I only take it in a very controlled (homemade) edible form, like one dose per day (or two small ones). But doing this keeps the thoughts of drinking at bay. If I drink, I will die, not to mention becoming a virtual monster of self-destruction in the meantime. But perfection (for me, anyway) should never be the goal. A lapse is not a relapse and Harm Reduction is the most important thing. If I could drink a little, I would. I simply can’t control it the way I CAN control “medical” marijuana – and even pills. I’ve also found that PSILOCYBIN, in small, controlled micro-doses with long periods of none in between, is a medical tool for controlling addiction to worse (for me) substances. (In another experiment one time, I took Magic Mushrooms every day for two months and literally started to lose touch with reality on many levels to say the least. Not recommended, although the things I also discovered were mind-blowing. Small doses, with large chunks of time in between periodically, is recommended.)
Since I have Bipolar One Disorder (which runs in my family on both sides) the self-medication journey has been a constant for me since I was (I believe) around 12 years old. Another thing that’s helped me enormously is all the prescription pills I also take, which includes daily doses of Depakote, Gabapentin, Trazodone, and Hydroxyzine. (Lithium blew out my kidneys (they recovered) and by trial and error with a psychiatrist I found that Depakote does wonders for me helping to control episodes of rage (mania) and depression (sometimes suicidal – not often – but often enough)).
All of which is to say that I can sympathize with anyone who has substance issues of any kind. ALCOHOLISM has been called (many times) THE WRITER’S DISEASE. One of the positive flipsides is all the things one learns in one’s effort to control it (by serious reductions in intake OR complete abstinence or a periodic combination of both). Struggles with addiction also tend to make most people a lot more spiritual, deeper, more understanding, and more wise. I don’t say the addiction itself does this. I say the STRUGGLE with the addiction does this (or helps do this). Sigmund Freud was able to control and then get over his addiction to cocaine. He was never able to conquer his addiction to the smoking of tobacco (20 cigars a day), not even after the roof of his mouth was removed. And on the other hand, he didn’t let it stop him living and he survived (for a while) and continued to do good (great) work. ADDICTION gets painted with too-broad brush strokes in the mainstream world and the culture at large. Everyone has their own row to hoe, and those who have it too easy in this life are never the deepest people and are missing out on so much! Being too-comfy, cocooned, squeaky clean, “well-adjusted,” and problem-free turns one into a Boring Monster not to mention a Slave to Society!
Dale
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Dale,
Yes relapse is a light word for suicide. Akin to playing Russian roulette. I’ve tried all sorts of experiments, too. Not smoking while drinking–not drinking whiskey–drinking wine coolers (do they still make those) drinking near beer–only drinking at home, drinking pop at the bar. I’ve never heard the term harm reduction. I think that’s how it started a lot of my relapses, only drinking three or four beers, Trying to maintain and then getting drunk a few days a week. Always hiding it from my parents who I was usually sponging off, until I didn’t give a fuck again. Then I was like a pig in shit in the front yard. lol.
“ALCOHOL FOR ME IS THE TRUEST POISON.” as you have perfectly clarified.This is what it’s like for me too. No matter what drug I ever did, booze was the drug of choice. And like you I would also black out, and surely end up in jail. Jail became a thing on and off through my late teens up until my last drink when I was 32. Got me for a PI, and a trip to the hospital too. I accomplished nothing since I was 16- to 32–nothing like Jesus.
It would be extra difficult to deal with alcoholism (impossible in itself) and Bipolar disorder. My brother was schizophrenic and he struggled with our family curse of alcoholism, too, and I think undiagnosed depression has run a long black cord through us too. He OD’D in 2017. I suspect fentanyl. RIP Danny.
I hear what you are saying about sympathizing with anyone with the disease. It’s a true killer, and a killer of the spirit, but like you have said. It gives you a different human perspective.THE STRUGGLE. It broadens (if you like it or not) the human experience. The nut ward, jails, hospitals, courts, sick people of all types and problems–many doomed–some saved.
THE WRITER’S DISEASE. It makes wonder if there isn’t something that is too sensitive in us alkies and drug addicts that can’t bear the reality of this awful world. Maybe writing is more cathartic than calling. I think that’s what happened to me. Trying to at least say something, profound stupid insane wise something. Get this feeling of tension out or at least let up on whatever resentment that is beating me over the head. I can see why writers could find fuel in this mind fuck over.
Also what you said about people becoming more spiritual because of addiction. At my worst in my addiction I was either running from God or asking him for help or cursing him. I took to AA (when I finally hit a bottom I understood) and it helped a great deal. I seem to be in less trouble mentally since I started to write fiction everyday. an attitude of gratitude helps a lot when I apply it.
I’ve been sober for a long time now, too. Thank God. Abstinence is the only answer for me. All the drugs I ever used were second fiddle to my drinking, and would surely lead me back. I was a sort of do whatever comes type with a beer in my hand, besides heroin. It wasn’t really available like it is now in the small Indiana towns.
I think it’s a good point you make about these types that have never struggled. They lack depth, and lack feeling, and are surely propelled by a self ordained view that God only enters on the death bed or the fox hole. They don’t know what it’s like to be torn apart. They think addiction is a moral issue and weakness.
Freud’s addiction to cocaine today seems ironic and people (those same ones) like to come down on him, but back then it was as unregulated as coffee. It takes a minute for all us who deal with a scourge to understand the beast. The beast is misguiling.
Yes the well adjusted do not know of true rebellion.
Christopher
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Christopher
I’m sorry to hear about your brother. God bless. Also, thanks for sharing your story with such fearless honesty. Also God bless. And yes, writing is the saving grace. And a sense of humor. (And, of course, him first.) When you’re writing for your life, on one level it doesn’t matter much what else happens. Also, it’s wild how many, especially American, writers, have had this battle with the bottle like you and me (Hemingway, Faulkner, Fitzgerald, Kerouac, Bukowski, S. King, et al). I think one thing most artistic addicts share is a certain form of fearlessness, or at least boldness, that sets them apart from many in the “normal” population and can very much be a good and desirable quality, but can also be something that comes back and bites them in the ass, very hard. I guess it’s the nature of yin and yang life; a flipside to everything. With great boldness comes great side effects! Your story of redemption from the bottle is extremely encouraging and will help me to keep on keepin’ sober! Thanks again for sharing! Stay tuned on Sunday (tomorrow) for Howlin’ Wolf, another man who knew how to deal with the harder, harsher aspects of life and somehow come out on top, no matter what “the world” thought.
Dale
“I John, who also am your brother, and companion in tribulation, and in the kingdom and patience of Jesus Christ, was in the isle that is called Patmos, for the word of God, and for the testimony of Jesus Christ.”
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Dale
Thanks for your condolences. Yes indeed we must keep keepin’ on. By God’s grace…
Christopher
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The story reminds me a bit of We Need To Talk About Kevin, and I mean that as an high compliment. This piece is unflinching in its honesty and well-crafted. Blaming demons is a way to avoid personal responsibility.
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David,
Thank you for your kind comments! I saw that movie–very disturbing. Wow, I’m humbled by the comparison!
Christopher
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Hi Christopher,
This sure had that something that we always search for!!
This is one of those that changes focus. (From Gil to Lloyd.) I always think that is risky but I reckon you handled this brilliantly.
I haven’t enough knowledge on the subject to comment on whether or not this is realistic but it is well enough done that I believe it and didn’t question. You would think for a subject like this that any writer has knowledge / experience of the syndrome or they’d done their research. My point is that a superb writer puts across what they know. That very same writer can also put across what they haven’t experienced but have listened, learnt and understood.
Whichever one you fall into, it doesn’t matter!!
All the very best my fine friend.
Hugh
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Hi Hugh
Thanks for your insight! Reality is hard to duplicate, as we know as writers. I’m glad the story had enough authenticity to carry it. I like what you said about the change in focus. That’s an important thing to be aware of, because if the MC changes the story could go haywire. Glad it worked. Thanks to you and your other fine LS Editors for not shying away from this kind of content in this rather weird world we transverse.
Christopher
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Not original, but yikes. Not to worry, 4547 won’t let anybody take your Machines of Advanced Destruction.
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The story is original. But hey, your little crap comment is only one of forty or so good ones. Yikes!
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I don’t have any machines of advanced destruction, unless you count the sprinkled donuts in the bread box.
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I loved the drip drip drip of Lloyd’s deed running throughout, lurking at the end of your paragraphs. A tragedy just waiting to happen. Excellent.
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Thanks Alex, glad you enjoyed it!
Christopher
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Definitely action-packed! People with Asperger’s aren’t any more likely to commit crimes than anyone else, statistically speaking, and they definitely aren’t prescribed antipsychotic medication because they don’t have a psychosis. But it sounds like Lloyd had lot more problems, including being a psychopath. The major problem here was the availability of the weapons. How a teenager like that could get hold of an AR-15 is crazy, in more ways than one. The demon spawning mother was pretty twisted too, cooking her stir fry.
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Hi Harrison
I’m not sure if I should defend my story or go with the flow and say thanks! “Cooking her stir fry,” that’s funny you mentioned it, lol. I appreciate ya.
Christopher
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A horrific, but also incredibly human story which reminds us there are all kinds and levels of victims in such circumstances. The writing has a great voice and not a single word is unnecessary.
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Hi Paul
Thanks for your excellent comments! Very inspiring! I wasn’t quite sure what people would think of this story, because it’s such an awful theme. The writer, writes what they see–sadly–from on the news.
Christopher
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