Special Report To Stumptown Magazine by Elmer Jakes February 10, 20xx I was at her bedside when Ginger Smith uttered her last words. “Why did Ted do this? I thought that we loved each other.” Ginger didn’t know that Ted Hamer didn’t do it. He had died before she had. The real murderer of Ginger… Continue reading Valentine’s Day Massacre by Doug Hawley
Maybe it says plenty about our race that we often find ourselves in the corner of the Bad Guy. And in the case of this story, the “victim” isn’t always a beloved member of society. In fact there are some amongst us who dislike cyclists and spandex and their blatant disregard for traffic rules and… Continue reading Literally Reruns – Bike Killer by Doug Hawley
When you put out a shingle that says STORIES WANTED, you get a little bit of the good stuff and plenty of what you deserve for your impertinence. The “plenty of what you deserve” element is easy to describe: In some way something about each one in it sucks. That’s as scientific a way of… Continue reading Literally Reruns – Nose by Doug Hawley
One day in March, I felt an excruciating abdominal pain, so painful that I fell to the floor. Because my wife Sally was out shopping and I was immobilized, there was nothing I could do. Within five minutes, the pain left, and I felt as if nothing had happened. I decided not to tell Sally,… Continue reading Half by Doug Hawley
Leila has been spending so much time down in the dungeons of LS Towers we are worried that she might be sleeping down there. Not to worry, we’ll make sure she has plenty to eat and drink. This week she has nominated a piece by an old friend of the site – this is what… Continue reading Literally Reruns – Trigger by Doug Hawley
Leila tells us this rerun was just waiting to be chosen – this is what she said:
I don’t drive. Everywhere I need to go I can walk, bus or taxi. I take a bus to my job at Hadleys Department Store in the Consumer Help Department. You should know that I am a highly valued employee based on my ability to resolve customer problems while still maintaining company policy. Trying to… Continue reading Bike Killer by Doug Hawley
I was chosen to write the history of the survivors of the destruction of earth that happened hundreds of years ago. First, a few of us escaped by rocket to the planet of the Azari people for what seemed like three earth years based on the amount that we aged, but we may have been… Continue reading Living La Vida Extraterrestrial by Douglas Hawley
Another suggested blast from the past by Leila Allison. Again she has chosen a regular to the site and this is what she said:
At first it was thought to be an isolated case. A loud, self-important person said that his cell phone had overheated and mildly burned his ear while he was talking about his proctology exam on a crowded bus. When several others related incidents while talking loudly about work, grocery lists and fights with spouses or… Continue reading Vigilant by Doug Hawley
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