Week 422 – Flairs Had Flair, Delicious But Itchy And I Forgot About Dr Jones!

Here we are at Week 422. I was thinking on doing a fashion section but reading this back and looking in the mirror, I needn’t bother!!

Clothes have always conspired against me.

Those Polo Necks when I was a kid, I reckon I still need therapy about. I can’t even see someone wearing one in a film without me getting an attack of the Heebee-Jeebees.

I wish I had the know-how how to photo shop or whatever the fuck you call it, Gene Hackman’s sweater choice from ‘The Poseidon Adventure’. I love that film but the thought of one of those jumpers and being wet really does give me the fear.

The reason that I say this is that it is still happening. I have just come to realise that my work uniform has me wearing passive aggressive trousers. They seem soft. They appear to be comfortable but there is just something about them that is a bit off. I think it may be the ridiculous style that is the choking of your legs. Between that and young fellows thinking it is trendy to wear brown shoes with calf clinging trousers, we now have little choice as most suits follow suit. Not only do you look like a fucking tit, you are also uncomfortable.

I adore the look of ties but I can’t tie them and I hate wearing them.

Wool is pure evil and I think that is why I eat so much lamb to stop the wee fuckers growing into sheep.

Anything tight around my arms makes me think that I’m glad I’m not a gynaecologist. (…Well maybe that is an exception) I hate being too warm due to clothing or clothing that makes me cold. Maybe I should just get naked but that also comes with its problems. Staying in Scotland isn’t good for naturism. I think there once was a nudist beach in Saltcoats but it didn’t last a summer. Too many guys were admitted to hospital to try and find all their genitalia which had retracted to somewhere within their throats. You can always recognise a Scotsman who has went swimming in their waters as they have three Adam’s apples and what appears to be a tape worm around the neck area. The ladies also suffered as their nipples entered a room two and a half yards before the rest of them. Let’s just say that there are certain countries where nudity isn’t a great idea.

I did have a point to this…Ah yes, clothing in literature / film!

007 had his Oxfords. (My shoe type of choice I might add! I also do like a *Martini although I prefer a Gin one to a Vodka one. Gwen has also said on many occasions that I am licenced to get pished.)

Mr Sherlock had his Deer Stalker. (I was going to buy one of those when I went to stay at Blairquhan Estate but by fuck are they dear! HAH That works as a tie in!!!!)

Tom Baker’s Dr Who had his scarf.

Patrick Mowers, John Steed’s umbrella and bowler hat in ‘The Avengers’ (Holy shit – Diane Rigg was stunning!!!)

Audrey Hepburn’s little black dress in ‘Breakfast At Tiffanies’

Andy Capp’s cap in the comic strip.

These are only a few examples (To be honest I can’t think of any more) but no-one wears a Polo Neck or fucking blue trousers with brown shoes! There is a lesson here that we really do need to heed!

…Oh! Oh!! Davy Crockett’s hat!!!

And I’m on a role, Jim Bowies knife!!

…I wonder if I can get anything else from that film??

…Nope!

Of those times, it does make me wonder on Randolph Scott’s anal beads but we never got to see them. (Those were for Cary’s eyes / teeth only)

Okay enough of this nonsense, onto this week’s stories.

We had two new writers, Mr Bloor who reached that rare double figures (Under three percent manage that) and another two who are now in that under 3%.

As always our initial comments follow.

First up was Mick Bloor with ‘Jack ‘o’ Diamonds’.

Many congratulations Mick – Story number ten is a huge achievement!!

‘Tight and clean.’

‘When Mick is on his game he can pack an immense tale into just a few words.’

‘The matter of fact relating of life’s events really appealed to me.’

Marco Etheridge is a site stalwart and he was next up with his latest offering, ‘Embracing Your Evil Twin.’

‘Evil but understandable.’

‘Charmingly belligerent.’

‘Marco sure can tell a tale!’

Another gentleman who is amassing a cracking body of work is Tony Osgood.

His story, ‘Sidelined’ was published on Wednesday.

‘Another excellent offering from Tony.’

‘I always enjoy Tony’s work.’

‘He can confuse me but it never matters.’

Our next two writers are both newbies. We welcome them both and hope that they have fun on the site.

Our first new author was Bryce Johle, with ‘Maintenance.’

‘Different POV change.’

‘Odd but good odd.’

‘What a strange story.’

We completed the week with Elizabeth Broschart’s, ‘My Friend Greg.’

‘Well written and it addresses an important subject.’

‘An unpleasant subject very well written.’

‘There is enough detail to get the whole story across.’

That’s the round up rounded up.

Usual requests – Please keep the comments coming. Please say thanks if you get one. The Sunday Re-Run is still there if you want to get involved.

I was saddened to read of the death of Paul O’Grady this week. He seemed like a genuine lovely man. His love of dogs was obvious. I think everyone in Britain knew him for his alter ego, Lily Savage. But he moved on from her and was an excellent host and TV presenter.

The man was cutting, clever and very quick witted. I’m not sure if it was him that said this but in memory of his type of wit, I give you one of my favourite put-downs that I have ever heard.

– To all the folks who have ever loved you…They were wrong!

Rest In Peace Paul O’Grady!

Just to finish.

I really have given you some shit music over the last few postings so time for a change.

This lady is a ukulele enthusiast. She is also the daughter of a very famous 1960’s singer in Britain. Many folks of a certain age will know of ‘Joe Brown And The Bruvvers’ but his daughter, Sam, did this absolute belter of a song in 1988.

I give you ‘Stop’ by Sam Brown.

Hugh

* Always take it to ten as per your preference, as in 7 measures of Gin (Or vodka) to 3 measures of Vodka (Or Gin) – That’s the ten! to 5 measures of Dry / Very Dry Vermouth – Never get the sweet shite!!!!!!

Throw in a few olives and some wee pickled onions and you are in for a treat!!!!

Image: Pinterest: pictures of vintage sewing patterns of men’s clothes. Flaired trousers, coloured shirts and tops