Dirty fucking hoors!!
Hoor-maisters…Dirty fucking hoor-maisters.
Clatty bastards the lot of them.
I shouldn’t have swung both ways.
It would have saved me a lot on lubricant.
But man do I take a notion for the boaby!
Giving, taking and receiving…Although receiving not so much. Well not after the argument I had with that big Argentinian. He literally ripped me a knew one.
But fuck me. I’ve been cut down in my prime. I need some medication. I’m not happy about that. Not with me being a Jehovah Witness.
I’ll really need to stop drinking. It gets me into all sorts of trouble.
I mean, did I love any of my partners, well ‘Duh’.
They were all so shallow and needy and grating. By fuck were they grating. They all moaned and complained and every fucking thing was about them and what they wanted or selfishly, didn’t want!
Bastards, the lot of them. I should have stuck to just fantasising about my one true love. She was a goddess. Alas decades kept us apart and also that fucker Johhny. How I fucking hate the name Johhny. She was dead before I saw her, a vision on YouTube, the vision that was Fanny. And let me tell you, I came over all peculiar when I saw her recipe for banana chicken. I think that was what made me swing both ways. Let’s be honest a banana is phallic and we all know what a skinless chicken breast looks like…Don’t we…Aye, you know what I’m talking about! The size is a bit of an issue though.
And don’t get me started on her mincemeat omelette!!
I shouldn’t even have been at the doctors, what with me being a witness and all, but I really did fancy his receptionist and the guy that I saw changing the lightbulbs when I was in getting a battery for my hearing aid. The sexual tension from climbing up onto a footstool is surreal.
I thought it would be a bit suspicious me just hanging around so I decided to get an appointment with the doctor. And to be truthful the problem I had with my dick wasn’t just my usual inability to realise that I hadn’t stopped oozing so I thought I would let him have a look…Besides it may have led somewhere. And Ohhhh, the thought of someone having a swatch who I wasn’t going to shag made me feel all warm and fuzzy.
But that didn’t fuckin’ work out. See when you think you want someone to have a look for whatever reason, that’s just wrong. If you are feeling a wee bit horny and you whap it oot, not a problem, you look good. But at the doctor, I thought I wanted him to have a look, but when I tried to whap it oot I had to try and find it. How the fuck can your cock retreat so much? I mean I was positively inverted!
Anyway me and ma wee cock, whilst trying to do a bit of legitimate perving wae the doctor, found out that I have a fucking disease.
So back to bastard dirty hoors and mingin hoor-maisters.
The Doctor told me that I needed to contact all my previous partners and tell them face to face that I am diseased.
I told him that I didn’t want to. Who wants to have that conversation?
He went on about responsibility.
I told him that I simply couldn’t speak to them.
He insisted that I had to.
And that’s what’s fucking annoying me.
I need to find my shovel.