Jane couldn’t keep her clothes on.
She’d been arrested a few times on public decency charges but when the authorities witnessed her prison togs repelling themselves from her, the charges were dropped.
She was referred to experts on everything but there were no experts on spontaneous clothing removal by the clothing itself.
No-one had an answer to what was happening so as in all situations like this, they told her to live with it.
Nobody could help but notice Jane’s body at some time or another. She had tried to cover her nakedness with her hands initially but gave up. She only had two hands and six intimate areas that she didn’t want seen.
Jane had no option but to accept her affliction and she became quite inventive on how to carry things. She didn’t like bags but could carry three large items or six smaller ones. She had her food shopping delivered.
Jane’s condition mutated. She found that if she gained weight, her clothes would stay on but as soon as she’d lost those extra pounds, they would vacate themselves once again.
This caused Jane a dilemma. She could either be naked and her ideal weight or overweight and clothed.
In the winter she ate more food. But in the summer she began to tolerate shedding those pounds and clothes.
One thing that got Jane down was her inability to have a sex life. She was attracted to certain people and she could tell that they were attracted to her. But as soon as she tried to get intimate, some sort of cloth repellent found its way onto her. The word got around and any potential partners soon lost interest.
She sought out the most brilliant minds and explained that if she was at her ideal weight, she was naked. When she was not sexually aroused, she was naked, but if she was overweight or horny, she was clothed.
Psychiatrists wanted to see her barriers but they took it as an insult when it didn’t appear and told her to leave.
A few respected clergy suggested that she find God but no church would let her in if she was naked, so she put on a few pounds and entered a Chapel. She left quickly when she felt herself becoming aroused as she felt that this was inappropriate.
She read many a self-help book but all they said was that you had to accept yourself for who you were. Jane found this very unhelpful as she didn’t want to accept herself for who she was. She was a physical manifestation of a contradiction. Jane wanted to write that down somewhere.
Jane tries to work out where she can accept being clothed, fat and horny or thin, naked and uninterested.
Until then she looks out for another manifestation of a contradiction. She seeks a naked man with an erection just to be her friend.
Image – Pixabay
literally stories 
Thanks, Hugh. This was the perfect story for finishing a morning coffee and a cigar.
Very best,
Marco
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Thanks so much Marco.
But always remember not to smoke the coffee and drink the cigar. The effect isn’t quite as satisfying!
Great to see you around my friend.
Hugh
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Congratulations. You have either managed to hold your tongue in cheek for record length or you have related the most tragic story. Love it. Love that you didn’t explain just why this happened.
Still…the why of it seems to be in there, in little ways, in the metaphoric sense, in the ridiculous mores of a social order inflicted on Jane.
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Hi Leila,
Thanks as always for your kind and thoughtful comments.
I kind of hope that when Jane gets around to accepting herself, she would be able to wear what she wanted when she wanted.
Stay happy and being you!
Hugh
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Ha! Thought-provoking and open to many interpretations— some fun and some disturbing. Very nicely done.
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Cheers Dave.
Fun and disturbing is always how I am described.
I lied.
I’m not fun and have never been thought of as such.
So one out of two ain’t bad – Maybe whimsical, I could be whimsical.
I’m lying again!
I’m left with disturbing!!
Thanks for all your comments on my work – Much appreciated my friend.
Hugh
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Loved this. Nicely understated irony.
Well done.
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Hi Ed,
Thanks so much for your kind comment.
It’s always a pleasure to see you around.
Hugh
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Sounds like “Lady Godiva syndrome.” Oliver Sacks wrote a few books about strange behaviours, perceptions and compulsions. Maybe Jane would be happy joining a group formed by Korky D., my former room mate. It was called NIFTY (Naked Iconoclasts Facing the Yoke) although the yoke Jane faced emanated from her own persona. She’s got a bit of the old Catch 22 problem, esp. at the end, hard to solve.
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Hi there,
I don’t know if the end is hard to solve or hard to believe!
Thank so much for taking the time to read and comment, it is much appreciated.
I enjoy reading all your comments and your take on the stories, you help make the site that bit more interesting!!
All the very best my friend.
Hugh
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So now you have given me the greatest excuse ever for my extra pounds when they come a-calling. I’m basically saving the world by keeping my clothes on. Thank you!
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Thanks Sharon,
As a heterosexual male in my fifties, I can’t comment!
I believe in that ‘In my own voice’ nonsense that we spoke about and I had no right writing that story!!
Well, I don’t believe that. I’m making excuses.
The one thing I do know is to never answer the question when any lady asks how she looks. I just leave. You see Scottish people normally speak in opposites but not always.
For example, calling someone ‘Wee Man’ can mean that they are young, tall or short, small or large. If you are called ‘Slim’ you are normally thin unless the person knows you well enough to be ironic. If someone states you are a looker, you are normally not. If anyone tells you that they wouldn’t want you as their pub quiz team-mate, they are calling you extremely stupid. But if they say they would it could mean either. So when a woman asks how they look and we say lovely, they look at us, call us liars and throw something heavy. And if we say they look terrible, they throw something even heavier at us without saying anything.
It’s better just to leave. But ducking is still advised!
Cheers again Sharon, it’s always great to see you around the site!
Hugh
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All in favor get totally naked (I’ll be there in about 5 minutes it is 11 pm in the North Pacific Great something or other). I’ll still be overweight.
And read MToewes and SGay.
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Hi Doug,
It was too late for a mooned Ethel as she embraced nakedness and I think we were encouraged.
But it didn’t last as being naked in Scotland is quickly followed by hypothermia. It’s even worse if you go outside.
Man! You normally quote Neil Young and here is me referencing Ray Stevens!!!
Thanks as always my friend!!
Hugh
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