Week 209 – Teaching Welsh, Dejavu And A Wish That Men Should Suffer Horrendous Thrush From Using Bathing Products.

Well it’s been a busy week here at Literally Stories. We worked our way through forty odd stories (And some good ones!)

We have reached the quarter of a million hits and all is well in our wee writing world.

Nik had been busy training South African people to be Welsh (As is my understanding) and I was away for a few days. Diane held the mounting mountain of stories back like a champion with only a rye biscuit and a few bottles of red to keep her company.

For no other reason than I have no writing inspired inspiration, I would like to share a story that I hope I haven’t told you before. I don’t think I have but with the amount that I have read it is getting difficult to keep track. What with that, senility and the fog of the odd sherbet* I should have Carte Blanche in repetition.

Anyhow, the story has to do with my trip to Glasgow, this time and the last time I was there.

Last year Gwen had dragged me into one of those handmade soap shops that make the back of your throat taste like a million grannies. There were no pubs around and it was pelting down, so reluctantly I went in. Whilst she was browsing and I was trying not to breathe I was accosted by a very heavily made up young gentleman who asked me if I wanted to look at some bath bombs. Now this boy looked as if he moisturised, exfoliated and applied make up whilst listening to various sound tracks of musical theatre. I on the other-hand, dry shave both my head and my face and if I have a bath and want to pamper myself I will put half a bottle of Dettol in it whilst listening to Rob Zombie and drinking the other half with a dash of Coke. So his inquiry was a somewhat moot point. But I would never intentionally hurt anyone so my reply of, ‘Do I fucking look like I use a fucking bath fucking bomb!!!?’ didn’t escape my lips. My inner voices were screaming this response whilst pishing themselves laughing. I struggled and looked around at my wife for comfort and support. There she was, doubled up with tears running down her face and she can say what she wants, I know that had sod all to do with the pungent perfume!

Now bring this forward a year and we went into one of those weird potion shops, for the curse that is women’s problems, you know…skin.

How come woman have so many types? They have dry, patchy, greasy, alternative, problem, sensitive, moody, Huey, Duey, Louie to name but a fucking few and I have…skin.

Anyhow just to shoot the breeze and emphasise futility, I told the fellow who was serving her the bath bomb story omitting the bad language as he looked a genteel well groomed, made-up guy who also liked musical theatre. He smiled at my story and then said very innocently and without a trace of sarcasm, ‘I use a bath bomb.’

Voices in my head again were screaming, ‘Really! It can’t be true! You are fucking kidding me!’

The moral of this story is that Glasgow is painted as a murderous, drug crazed city. So to all the folks who are reading this, if you ever want to visit Glasgow, you can have some comfort in the fact that at least two of the citizens will smell nice when they’ve stabbed you for skipping the queue for tickets to see ‘Annie’.

Be sure to advise the police sketch artist that charcoal won’t do for the image, they will need a lot of colour and maybe a little glitter for that more realistic look.

So onto this weeks stories.

We had two new writers, two returning authors and Mr Adam Kluger who is now at an amazing forty outings for us!

Topics this week include; composing yourself, self help, dependence, acquaintances and moving on.

As always our initial comments follow.

 

First up was Adam. We are delighted that he continues to be associated with us and hopefully it won’t be long before he reaches that magic fifty!

You Got That Right’ was published on Monday.

‘Adam creates the worlds that Lou Reed sung about.’

‘This is a very visual piece of writing.’

‘I just loved the big cat!’

 

We had a new writer on Tuesday. We hope we have as long an association with Daniel Paton as we have done with Adam.

Just A Moment‘ was next up.

‘Very claustrophobic.’

‘The tension is brilliantly done.’

‘This is a very tricky type of scene to write and especially to get the reader to buy into but Daniel did a great job.’

 

Our first returning author broke the back of the week. We are hoping that Gina Yates manages her third on site very soon.

Wednesday’s offering was ‘The Burden Burner‘.

‘Quite a deep and sorrowful scenario when you think on it.’

‘Great balance between personal gain and delusion.’

‘Gina has created a very visible character.’

 

Paul Beckman followed on and he was also a returning writer. We are confident that he will follow with more for his back catalogue very soon.

Another One Of His Punishments‘ was next.

‘I found this quite moving to be honest.’

‘Real pathos.’

‘The resentment, indifference and the father’s revelations were all well done.’

 

And on Friday we had our final new writer.

Jacie Pridgeon finished off the week with ‘Sharpie Tattoos‘.

We hope that both Daniel and Jacie have a lot of fun on the site and continue to send us their work.

‘There was a melancholy that suited the acceptance of the situation that they were in.’

‘Well written, believable and maybe just a wee bit of hope.’

‘I loved the mood that Jacie captured.’

 

That’s us for another week.

Usual reminders folks, please get involved with commenting or The Sunday Re-Run.

And I don’t think I have said this often but if there is anything you want to ask, simply send us an email and one of us will get back to you.

Oh and I had better clarify this or Mr McEwan may never speak to me again. If any of you ever get the chance to go to Glasgow, go! It is a wonderful place which is very friendly. It is diverse, interesting, architecturally beautiful and the food and drink is amazing! You will have a brilliant time!

Just be careful if you are either in Govan or Parkhead, then be sure to check what colour of scarf you’re wearing!! (The locals will not be long on advising!)

Hugh

*Sherbit Dip – Sip. Normally used ironically in reference to alcohol.

 

Banner Image: Pixabay.com – or maybe Hugh’s bathroom – who really knows! dd

6 thoughts on “Week 209 – Teaching Welsh, Dejavu And A Wish That Men Should Suffer Horrendous Thrush From Using Bathing Products.

  1. Always been under the impression that the Welsh are a superhuman race all named Jones or Burton (Tom and Catherine Zeta and Richard are all the data I’ve been supplied with there, but I think that showing a little ignorance is a good way to meet people online). Also under the impression that Scotland is just south of the North Pole.
    I like to come by here on Saturday for story ideas. Recent post including hangovers has spawned a story of an alcoholic who first got drunk on horrid apple wine on the exact same day the famous “Wow Signal!” hit Earth. The signal was for him and was a time release thing that will open any day now. Must include a tom cat learning to speak Welsh in it now. Keep the posts coming; I’ll be needing more material anon.
    Leila Allison-Burton-Jones

    Like

    • Hi Leila,
      Cats do speak Welsh. It’s just that to the uneducated ear we all think that they are coughing up a fur ball!
      (Sorry Nik!)
      Your story ideas sound like best sellers.
      I do think we should relocate Scotland to The North Pole. The first thing that would happen would be someone opening a Chip Shop selling deep fried polar bear. But it wouldn’t work as it would be burnt down when the owner first tried to deep fry snow.
      Thanks as always, I always end up smiling when I read your comments!
      Hugh

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hugh, do you remember Suzanne Mays (a lovely member of SBS)? I had an author interview with her a few days ago. You can read the interview on my weblog if you are interested.

    And Hugh, could you please add ‘Word Count’ to the end of each story from now on? You write the author’s name and the photo’s source, but how about writing the word count as well? This will save me a lot of time.

    Thanks 🙂

    Like

    • Hi Sam,
      Of course I remember Suzanne, she is a very good writer and was kind with her comments to me. If you are in contact with her again, please tell her I was asking for her. (That’s if she remembers me!)
      I had a look at your interview and I loved the eclectic mix of questions, it brought out the person as well as the writer.
      Regarding the word count, there is a reason for the omission. We looked at it like our decision on no introductions. Without them we then have readers having no preconception on length or topic. It is then only the story that keeps the readers interest and doesn’t cause initial barriers.
      Hope this explains our thinking.
      It’s great to see you around the site!
      All the very best my friend.
      Hugh

      Liked by 1 person

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