Week 169 – Romance, Realism And Spoiling The Moment

Hello there folks! Here we are at week 169.

I also see that we are close to 183 000 hits. C’moan guys, it will be brilliant to get to 200 000 as quick as possible. We could get there quicker if any of us had a kitten doing cute things or a fucking idiot singing ‘My Boy Lollipop’ at a graveside’ (Check it out on Facetube – It really does make me proud to be Scottish!

…Sarcasm is so under used these days!!!)

I think anyone who has read any of these posts will be aware that I don’t have much regard for romantic stories.

I hate them. I have thought on why and they all have lines missing. But these lines would somewhat spoil the warm and cuddly ambience. These lines can be put into two categories. They are either questionable content or more than likely, play into your dirty mind.

Imagine the most romantic scene. Tanned and muscular torsos, seeing your children in their eyes after a day of saving puppies and eating strawberries. You watched the sunrise as you walked along the beach and the sun set above the trees. Then, as things escalate, add any of these lines where appropriate:

 

-You could have given it a wash.

-Do you do a turn?

-I’d give it five minutes.

-Is that it?

-Death arouses me.

-Scatting?

-Is it in?

-Stitches don’t bother me.

-You’re just like your mother.

– Every month! You do it deliberately.

-You’re dying? Well you’ll be wanting to try things.

-Of course it matters.

-My mum likes it there.

-Where’s the dog?

-You’ve got a mouth.

– Your dad likes that too.

-Can I?

-Never! You’re a gargoyle.

– FUCKING PREGNANT!!

 

This is my problem when I either read romance or see a film I insert one or more of these lines in my head and I giggle. If I don’t add in any of the lines I just sigh and swear. I used to shout out my suggestions but I am now banned from all of my local cinemas and my wife considers me uncaring, unfeeling and a bit sick. I judge her for staying with me!

Well, at least we have no sugary romance in amongst this weeks offerings.

We only had one new writer and four old friends.

Our topics this week include saving pups, hitch-hiking, skin writing, navigation and a Ferris Ride.

As always our initial comments follow.

 

We are delighted to receive more work from Tom Sheehan. He isn’t letting up and the site is all the richer for that.

‘Receipt At Ogden’s Twist’ began the week.

‘Tom has painted the scene so well that I can see the little boy.’

‘The tone reminded me of Tom Sawyer.’

‘Harrowing, but brilliant’

 

On Tuesday L’Erin Ogle had her seventh story published. She is a very productive writer.

‘Ugly’ was next up.

‘There is so much work here. L’Erin has had a lot to consider.’

‘A real work of imagination.’

‘Some of the images are brutal and they stay with you.’

 

The enigmatic Leila Allison broke the back of the week. ‘Learning To Fall’ was her offering on Wednesday.

‘The honesty in the story puts you in a good mood.’

‘Such warmth and some brilliant observations.’

‘The usual quality from Leila!’

 

Tyler Folds was our only new writer. We extend a warm welcome and hope that there is more to come very soon from Tyler.

‘Memory Lane Is A Highway’ nearly finished off the week. (I still refuse to use the ‘p’ word.)

‘The tension in the truck was very well done.’

‘This was subtlety done brilliantly.’

 

And we did finish off with Sharon Frame Gay and her fourth story for us. It is a pleasure to work with Sharon, she is courteous and professional to the extreme.

‘One Star’ was our story on Friday.

‘The conscience of those who survive regarding those who perish was very human.’

‘I found myself caught up in this.’

‘The story grows into itself and takes you with it.’

 

So that’s us for another week.

Please keep reading, submitting and commenting. (If you have ever wanted to and never done so, shame on you!)

And if any of you are watching a romance with a loved one, I hope that you remember those lines.

When the touching, sensitive, romantic scene is just about to end, let rip with one of the examples. The wonderful thing is you know instinctively which one to use for maximum effect.

Your partner may laugh. But don’t count on it. If they are crying at their favourite bit, they are more liable to call you a sick insensitive fuck and slap you sore.

The good thing is if you do it a few times more you will never be asked to watch the sentimental unrealistic shite ever again.

All romance is being able to rely on someone. And also being able to rely on someone adding some realism by truly disgusting them!

 

Hugh