Week 141 – Fashion, Bulimia And Elvis Is Dead.

Post 141 is upon us. It is here and now and hip and happening!!

The last time I was hip and happening was, well, never!

This may be a weird mix of ideas this week.

For some reason I was thinking of fashion and how fucked up that is. It’s an industry within an industry which has evolved incestuously. Most of the pipe-cleaners who model look as if they need a bloody good feed.

I used the line that I was bulimic but I just kept forgetting to be sick on many occasions. I think a lot of the models are anorexic and they keep forgetting to eat. They must be on some sort of dust diet.

The only reason that I thought of this was when I put on my new Bakers Whites for the first time and I realised that due to my stature I looked like an avalanche. The only good thing about this is that a big hairy dug keeps bringing me brandy. For some reason they are all called Bernard.

Then I heard Elvis singing whilst I was enjoying my Courvoisier. Someone needs to say it. He did some amazing songs. ‘If I Can Dream’ is one of my favourites but sorry to all you freaky fans out there, he did some awful songs as well. I mean ‘Teddy Bear’ is terrible. Now you may wonder what that has to do with fashion and I have to admit, very little. It is just that I remember seeing a cracking T-Shirt that was for those very mad fans. ‘Elvis Is Dead, Get Over It!’

But I reckon this week has been all about the weather. We only have one type of weather in Scotland and that is the weather of shite. It won’t kill or destroy, it’s just mince all the time. The answer to the question, ‘What colour is the sky?’ should be ‘All different colours’ but in Scotland there is an exact acceptable answer and that is ‘grey’. All we need to do is put on a suit of that colour and we become invisible.

We do have a cheek to moan when you read about the problems around the world with the weather. Mind you, the last thing anyone would want to see would be a load of kilted Scotsmen getting caught in a tornado. There would be tartan shuttlecocks flying around and frightening the children.

And yes, I am falsely stereotyping. Our weans don’t get frightened. (For any reader who wonders how to pronounce our word for children it would be as any normal person says the word ‘wane’. We only spell it ‘wean’ to confuse! Oh and a wee bit of rhyming slang would be calling them ‘Chuckie’ as in ‘Chuckie Stanes’ – Weans. And ‘Chuckie Stanes’ are throwing stones.) No wonder people can’t understand us and question our sanity!

 

Anyhow, onto this weeks stories. We had two new folks and three old campaigners for your entertainment.

Their topics included growing up, fantasising, ghosts, werewolves and hope. As always our initial comments follow.

 

On Monday Larry Lefkowitz had his sixth story for us published. He began the week with ‘The Samurai.’

‘Larry has great way with words.’

‘I enjoyed the references of the wife’s ‘normal’ life.

‘An amusing and very funny premise.’

 

Probably the most relevant story for a specific day that we have ever had. It was a pleasure to publish Bruce Levine for a fourth time. ‘9-12‘ was next up on Tuesday.

‘Poignant!’

‘Well observed and heart-felt.’

‘No need for any other drama. This is observational writing at its best.’

 

On Wednesday we had our first new author. We welcome both of them and hope that they enjoy their time with us. And as always, we ask them to send more of their work.

Brittni MacKenzie-Dale broke the back of the week with ‘The Possession‘.

‘This was dark and nasty, just the way a real fairy tale should be.’

‘Great writing – An individual voice and a wonderful way with words.’

‘Really enjoyable. The Exorcist theme is really well done.’

 

Two newbies together. Thursday gave us ‘A Geek No More‘ by Andrew Openshaw. The previous welcome also applies.

‘The character writing was excellent. The age of the voice was spot on.’

‘A really lovely bittersweet piece of writing.’

‘Very skilfully done. I had made the assumption that the MC was a boy which was clearly Andrew’s intention.’

 

There is no introduction needed for Tom Sheehan. He is getting very close to his fiftieth story with ‘Gunter Garth‘ which finished us off on Friday.

‘A beautifully written ghost story full of poignancy.’

‘This was lovely without being cloying.’

‘I simply loved this.’

 

That’s us for another week folks but I will return with another round-up in around seven days time! Or a week at the most!

I’m going to put my whites on and see if anyone wants to ski down me.

I’ve red-carded the dug as his barrel has run out.

 

Hugh